“I’m not doing that.”
“Why can’t we do it the way we always do?”
“You can’t make me try that!”
“I’m not finished yet. I don’t want to move on.”
“But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.”
For anyone—parents, teachers, coaches, clinicians, or adults working on their own growth—who supports someone struggling with flexibility, these comments are all too familiar. Flexible thinking, adapting to change, and tolerating things that don’t go our way are valuable skills. Without them, people of any age with unique learning needs are likely to struggle at home, school, work, and with friends.
What is flexibility?
Flexibility describes the behavior of switching between tasks and demands in response to changes in the environment. In essence, it’s how we change our behavior to different contexts or stimuli in the environment. Sometimes executive-function researchers describe it as cognitive flexibility, shift, task switching, or mental flexibility.
People who struggle with flexibility have difficulty discriminating differences in the environment and may not shift focus between different tasks or relevant information quickly. When facing inflexibility, a learner may get “stuck,” refuse to transition, or keep trying the same response over and over even though it isn’t working.
Why is flexibility necessary?
There are some real-world benefits to developing flexibility. Coping with unexpected changes and adapting to new information are associated with a wide range of positive outcomes in children and adults, including:
- Better reading abilities
- Improved responding to adverse life events
- Higher ability to respond to stress in adulthood
- Improved creativity
But real-world challenges arise when someone struggles with flexibility. Change can trigger some of the familiar problem behaviors supporters encounter when working with diverse learners. Improvements in flexibility can help people avoid:
- Getting frustrated when little things happen
- Repeating the same mistake
- Difficulty adapting to changes in schedules
- Switching between activities or leaving activities
- Arguing the same point over and over
- Tantrums or meltdowns when rules or circumstances change
Flexibility and Other Executive Function Skills
When we work on strategies to improve flexibility, we often see gains in other core executive function skills. Many learners who struggle with flexible thinking also struggle with planning, problem-solving, working memory, impulse control, emotional control, and self-monitoring.
If you’d like a clear look at how these abilities typically evolve from infancy through adulthood, explore our Executive Functioning Skills by Age Guide for milestones and practical next steps.
Here are some strategies you can consider to improve and build on flexibility:
7 Key Strategies to Improve Flexible Thinking
1. Teach When We Need to Be Flexible
Supporters often jump right to teaching coping tools. Yet learners might not always identify scenarios that require flexibility in the first place. Does your learner discriminate when it’s good to keep going versus when it’s best to try a different strategy? Do they know the difference between “no big deal” scenarios (best handled with flexibility) and times when change is a “big deal,” and it’s okay to set boundaries?
Discussing varied scenarios helps learners use their tools more effectively.
2. Build Unpredictability Into Positive Experiences
Many families report that rigidities or unexpected changes create stress for everyone. Avoiding disruptions may feel safer, but it ultimately limits growth. Instead, incorporate unpredictability regularly: take an impromptu trip to the mall, serve a favorite meal, or invite a friend over. Frequent, low-stakes surprises help learners practice adapting—and show that flexibility can lead to good things.
3. Practice and Rehearse
Flexibility, like any skill, improves with rehearsal. Role-play and give feedback in a low-pressure setting. Use a deck of intentional disruption cards (for example, complete the next action with your non-dominant hand, beat a timer, walk backward, complete a task without talking) to spark practice.
Check out our free downloadable “Disruptions Deck,” a PDF packed with ways to rehearse flexibility.
4. Recognize Overwhelm and Inflexible Thinking
Despite practice, everyone sometimes struggles with change. Teach learners to spot early signs of overwhelm or rigid thinking and to ask for help before problem behaviors take over.
5. Control Your Emotional Response
When someone is frustrated, adding your own anger rarely helps. Stay calm, offer options, and work the problem. Supporters who regulate themselves return to teachable moments faster.
6. Sketch a Flexibility Flowchart
Visuals guide learners through challenging scenarios. A simple flowchart that includes mindfulness strategies or the “try my way” technique can help them navigate tough situations. Encourage its use until flexibility skills feel natural.
7. Reward Flexibility
Call out flexible thinking when you see it. Breaks, extra privileges, and behavior-specific praise reinforce the value of adapting to change.
Individualize and Customize Flexibility Skills
Not all learners struggle with flexibility in the same way. Some brainstorm new strategies easily but flounder when routines shift; others “go with the flow” yet find creative problem-solving hard. The best strategies for teaching flexibility are customized to the learner’s needs. Start with straightforward situations, then steadily progress toward more challenging ones—focusing on areas that cause the most stress and where a little extra flexibility delivers the biggest payoff.
Further Reading
- Executive Functioning 101: Flexibility
- Cognitive Flexibility – Science Direct
- Dajani, D. R., & Uddin, L. Q. (2015). Demystifying Cognitive Flexibility: Implications for Clinical and Developmental Neuroscience. Trends in Neurosciences, 38(9), 571–578. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tins.2015.07.003
- Executive Functioning 101: Problem-Solving
- Iris Center – Behavior-Specific Praise
- How Teaching Executive-Function Skills Can Reduce Challenging Behaviors