Whether you’re a student taking a test or a young adult navigating independent living tasks like paying bills, grocery shopping, or applying for jobs, stress is an unavoidable part of day-to-day living.
High-stress situations can make it incredibly hard for learners to express their needs, even when they desperately want support.
For neurodivergent learners and those with executive functioning challenges, the difficulty of communicating in stressful moments is even greater. Without the tools to navigate these situations, students may fall behind academically or feel isolated from their peers and teachers.
Teaching learners how to express their needs under pressure is a critical skill that helps them succeed in school and in life.
This article will explore strategies and insights to empower learners to communicate effectively in high-stress situations.
Stress and the Prefrontal Cortex
Stress greatly affects the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps with important executive function skills like making decisions, planning, and remembering things. When people experience stress, this area of our brain struggles to work efficiently. If stress happens a lot over time, it can even change the structure of the prefrontal cortex, making it harder for it to do its job.
Short-term Stress
Acute stress, or short-term stress, can significantly impact how effectively our brain controls thinking, decision-making, and memory. During high-stress moments, our prefrontal cortex’s ability to handle complex tasks decreases, making it harder to think flexibly or adapt to new challenges.
Studies show that feeling in control of a stressful situation can lessen these effects. However, when people feel they lack control, stress more severely impacts skills like working memory and problem-solving. Stress has also been linked to increased risk of unhealthy behaviors (e.g., overeating or substance use) and mental health conditions, including depression.
Long-term Stress
Chronic stress, or long-term stress, can impact the prefrontal cortex, which results in changes to important skills like decision-making and memory. Over time, chronic stress reduces the length, branching, and density of dendrites, which are the structures that help our neurons communicate. Without this effective communication, attention, memory, and problem-solving abilities can weaken. While the prefrontal cortex weakens, areas like the amygdala, which drives stress responses, grow stronger, making it harder to manage stress.
Chronic stress can also disrupt how we store and recall memories. These changes can begin after just a week of stress and are more pronounced in childhood, where early stress can have long-lasting effects on brain development. These changes can make learners more at risk for developing other challenges, like anxiety or depression.
Neurodivergence and High-Stress Situations
Life is full of stressors. High-stress situations can occur in different ways throughout the day, whether in educational settings, social interactions, and daily life. Neurodivergent people are more likely to deal with stress and anxiety for two reasons:
First, everyday life is extra challenging because of additional stressors such as sensory overload, trouble with executive functioning, or difficulty understanding social communication in a world designed for neurotypical people. These struggles can lead to “neurodivergent anxiety,” which happens because of the stress of trying to adapt.
Second, neurodivergent people are also more likely to experience anxiety disorders like generalized anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia, or OCD due to genetic factors. This means they often experience both the challenges of their neurodivergence and the added pressure of anxiety disorders.
Barriers to Expressing Needs in High-Stress Situations
Theory of Double Empathy
The Theory of Double Empathy explains why people with very different life experiences often have trouble understanding and connecting with each other. This difficulty can be made worse by differences in how people use and understand language. For example, studies have shown that neurotypical people often misread the emotions of neurodivergent people or form negative first impressions of them due to differences in communication.
This theory suggests that the problem happens because both sides struggle to understand each other, due to differences in how we understand and experience the world. It’s similar to trying to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t speak your language or share your interests.
Self-Regulation
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and control emotions, especially during overwhelming situations. For neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD, emotional regulation can be challenging due to difficulties with impulsivity, focus, and executive functioning. This may result in impulsive reactions to stress, emotional swings, engaging in risky behaviors, struggles to complete tasks, and responding to others’ emotions. Emotional dysregulation often feels like being on a roller coaster of emotions, which can impact relationships and daily responsibilities, especially the ability to communicate needs effectively.
Strategies for Teaching Learners to Express Their Needs
Building Emotional Vocabulary
Having an emotional vocabulary is essential for self-expression. Developing a rich vocabulary of emotion words is incredibly helpful for understanding and managing one’s own, and other’s emotions. For example, you can use this helpful guide to learn the light, medium, and strong words that can be used to describe the feeling of being “hurt.” Examples of this would be describing your hurt as “let down” (light), “devalued” (medium), and “anguished” (strong) based on the strength of your feelings. Using a variety of emotion words to portray your feelings will help express yourself more clearly, empathize with others, cope with stress, build relationships, and connect with others.
Role-Playing High-Stress Scenarios
Role-playing is a helpful tool that allows learners to practice new skills and explore challenging situations in a safe, low-pressure environment. It can help reduce anxiety by letting clients rehearse responses to difficult scenarios without real-life consequences. Role-playing also encourages trying out new communication strategies, resolving conflicts, and expressing emotions. It can foster empathy by helping clients understand others’ perspectives and identify patterns in their own thoughts or behaviors. This also allows learners to have a safe place to prepare for the real-world, high-stress situations they may encounter.
“I” Statements
“I statements” are a communication technique where you express your own feelings and thoughts using phrases that start with “I,” focusing on your perspective without blaming others. This is helpful for expressing yourself in a clear and concise manner, that focuses on how the situation makes you feel rather than how the person did something hurtful or wrong.
An example of this might be: Instead of saying, “You never explain the instructions clearly, and it’s so confusing,” a learner could say, “When the instructions aren’t broken down step-by-step, I feel lost because I have trouble organizing what I need to do.”
Stress-Reduction Techniques
Regardless of if your learner is experiencing short-term or long-term stress. The following stress-reduction techniques are incredibly helpful for practicing emotional control:
- Get active by engaging in physical activity like walking,and jogging (or even cleaning!) can help reduce stress and boost your mood.
- Eating healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains helps keep your body and mind in good shape.
- Meditation helps calm your mind and reduce stress. You can practice anywhere, even during a walk or while waiting.
- Laugh more: Watching a funny show, reading jokes, or laughing with friends can lighten your mood and reduce stress.
- Connecting with others by spending time with friends or family, or even volunteering, can help you feel supported and distract you from stress.
- Try some yoga, which combines movements and breathing exercises to help your mind and body relax.
- Get enough sleep at night, because it helps your body recharge. Try to stick to a bedtime routine that helps you wind down before sleeping and feel well-rested in the mornings.
- Keep a journal to write down (or brain dump) your thoughts which can help release pent-up feelings and clear your mind.
- Get creative by listening to music, playing an instrument, or doing a hobby you enjoy which can help take your mind off stress.
Stress…or Anxiety?
Stress and anxiety are related but distinct experiences. Stress is your body’s response to external challenges, such as schoolwork, illness, or a major life event, and typically resolves once the issue is addressed. Anxiety, on the other hand, can occur even when there isn’t a current stressor and is your body’s way of reacting to perceived stress.If you feel as though you or your learner is experiencing chronic stress that interferes with daily living tasks and is uncontrollable, it might be time to seek out assistance and learn strategies to lessen anxious thinking.
Other Supports for Managing Stress
A couple of options can be explored when considering if your learner needs additional support to manage high-stress situations and learn necessary communication skills:
Executive function coaching is direct support available for learners who have difficulty with skills like organizing, managing time, staying focused, and handling stress. This service is meant to empower you or your learner to improve executive functioning skills across school, work, and everyday life, leading to increased independence, self-confidence, and overall well-being.These skills are important for tasks like doing homework, following instructions, and staying calm during tough situations.
Alternatively, some learners may find mental health counseling or therapy to be helpful to manage stress, especially if these challenges are emotional in origin, or your learner needs to process past events. These supports can help a learner recognize when they are feeling overwhelmed, practice high-stress situations with the learner, so they can learn how to ask for help or stay calm when they’re feeling anxious.
TL;DR (Too Long; Didn’t Read)
Teaching learners to express their needs in high-stress situations is important for their well-being, especially for neurodivergent learners. Stress can affect the brain’s ability to think clearly, making it hard to communicate needs. High-stress situations can be especially challenging for neurodivergent individuals due to difficulties with emotional regulation and executive functioning. To help learners express themselves, strategies like building emotional vocabulary, role-playing scenarios, using “I statements,” and practicing stress-reduction techniques (like exercise, meditation, and socializing) can be helpful. These techniques help learners better manage stress, communicate clearly, and improve relationships. Additionally, recognizing the difference between stress and anxiety is key, as anxiety can persist even when there are no current stressors, which may suggest a need for additional support.
Further Reading
- Arnsten (2009) – Stress Signalling Pathways That Impair Prefrontal Cortex Structure and Function
- National Autistic Society (2018) – The Double Empathy Problem
- National Institute of Mental Health – I’m So Stressed Out! Fact Sheet
- Neurodivergent Insights (2024) – ADHD and Autistic Anxiety
- Rønning & Bjørkly (2019) – The use of clinical role-play and reflection in learning therapeutic communication skills in mental health education: an integrative review
- Scott (2023) – Poor Communication Skills Can Lead to Loads of Stress—Here’s What to Do
- Workplace Strategies for Mental Health (2010) – Build Your Emotional Vocabulary
- Life Skills Advocate (2023) – Coaching vs. Therapy? Which One Do I Need?
- Life Skills Advocate (2022) – Emotional Regulation & ADHD: What You Need to Know
- Life Skills Advocate (2020) – How Brain Dumping Can Improve Executive Functioning In Diverse Learners