“But, I have to have it!”
“I don’t care what you say. I’m going to do it anyway!”
“You can’t stop me.”
As parents and educators of individuals with unique learning needs, we know teens and young adults can struggle to control emotions and impulsive behavior. Statements like these only highlights what research tells us about the teenage brain being susceptible to impulsive behavior, emotional responding, and decision-making challenges. Even though impulse control issues are developmentally appropriate, parents and teachers need to know how to support and foster learners during difficult times.
What is Impulse Control?
Impulse control is one of many executive functioning skills that allow us to engage independently in society.
Sometimes known as self-control or inhibition, impulse control describes a set of behaviors that help us “think before acting.” Impulse control allows us to prioritize our wants and needs and resist or avoid doing things that may be harmful to ourselves and others.
Impulse control is an executive function skill that can be tough for any child to master, but especially one with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It’s also common in those with anxiety disorders and is listed as a characteristic of other mental health problems in the DSM-5. These include:
- Conduct disorder
- Substance use disorders
- Obsessive compulsive disorder
- Antisocial personality disorders
- Oppositional defiant disorder
- Bipolar disorder
- Intermittent explosive disorder
…and others. It can exist on its own or present in a comorbid fashion with a variety of other issues and co-occurring disordres. It’s commonly seen in adolescents who suffer from kleptomania, pyromania, and substance abuse.
Impulse control disorders are incredibly difficult to treat for this very reason. There are so many co-occurring disorders and environmental factors that can lead to poor impulse control, so while executive functioning support is always beneficial in treating problems with impulse control, it’s wise to seek out formal medical help if you’re not sure what’s causing the problems with impulse control in the first place.
Examples of Impulse Control
How do we know that someone has “good” impulse control? What skills do teens and young adults need to develop to control impulses? What behaviors are key to watch for and encourage in your child or student?
Here are some examples of impulse control:
- Taking turns in conversations, allowing others to talk or share opinions.
- Practicing sharing preferred items, like treats, snacks, or screen time.
- Responds to healthy limits on food, spending money, and screen time.
- Completing complex or less-preferred tasks first.
- Resisting peer pressure to engage in dangerous or unhealthy behaviors.
- Refraining from back-talk, whining, or negotiations.
- Persistence with challenging tasks, even if they might not be preferred.
Why is Impulse Control Important?
As we mentioned in our Executive Functioning 101 article about emotional control, when a toddler or small child has a tantrum, adults around them tend to be very forgiving. However, we know about “the terrible twos” and don’t necessarily expect small children to behave in adult ways.
However, the consequences are much higher as our children and students grow older. We expect a great deal of impulse control from children as they age, including learning to withhold aggressive, impolite, and negative behaviors.
“But you know better than that” is a common parenting phrase we hear used with teens. In part because even though we expect that teens can make adult decisions, they developmentally may still have areas to grow.
Impulse Control and Other Executive Functioning Skills
Some teens and young adults who struggle with impulse control may also be struggling with other executive functioning skills. For example, self-control requires teens and young adults to learn to wait for longer-term rewards instead of taking the short-term payout.
Without good planning and problem-solving skills, it’s easy to jump to conclusions or choose the first answer. What manifests as impulsive, knee-jerk responses may also be related to challenges with the executive functioning skills of flexibility and emotional control.
As with most executive functioning skills, there are carry-over benefits of enhancing other skills that can directly improve impulse control.
How to Evaluate Impulse Control
Are you concerned your child or student may be struggling to develop impulse control skills? If you have concerns, there are several steps you can take to evaluate self-control behaviors and strategies you can take towards teaching greater independence:
Take an Impulse Control Assessment
If you have concerns about your child’s impulsive behaviors and how they contribute to academic and social success challenges, then start with a skills assessment. Download our impulsive behavior pre-assessment worksheet and review the evaluation. It’s one of many online tools for parents and teachers to help brainstorm and start the conversation.
Collect Data on Impulsive Behaviors and Their Triggers
Do certain situations arise that trigger impulsive behavior with your child? Do you know how often your child demonstrates impulsive behavior each week? In a month?
These are all helpful questions that can help support identifying appropriate interventions to improve impulse control. Observe your teen and record notes on the specific contexts and behaviors that indicate issues with impulse control.
Get Support From Others
Before you begin tackling your child or student’s impulsive behaviors on your own, it can also be helpful to rally support from others on the care coordination team.
Find out if your child’s IEP team or other therapeutic service providers are already targeting impulse control. Perhaps some of these professionals may have already identified strategies and resources helpful in one setting that could be generalized to another area of your child’s life.
Besides, by contacting professionals with experience in teaching executive functioning skills to children, you might be able to access additional assessments and resources to boost your child’s success.
On one final note, the information described above is appropriate for teens and young adults who may struggle with impulse control as part of neurotypical patterns of child development.
However, this information is not recommended for individuals diagnosed with severe impulse control disorders.
Consult a medical professional if you feel your child’s impulsive behavior puts themselves or others at risk of harm.
What Are the Best Treatment Options for Impulse Control Disorders?
Again, the best course of action for parents of kids with any types of impulse control disorders or symptoms is to seek help from a mental health professional. If needed, they might recommend psychiatry or medications such as antidepressants.
Don’t delay if you suspect an impulse control problem, as early intervention can really help.
With that said, there are a few EF techniques and tactics that can help improve day-to-day impulse control challenges:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
CBT is often considered a first-line treatment for mental health conditions like impulse control disorders. By helping kids recognize the patterns that lead to their behaviors, CBT can empower them with practical tools they can use to manage their impulse better.
A therapist trained in this kind of practice might help a child learn to:
- Identify triggers for aggressive behaviors or impulses
- Develop healthy coping mechanisms
- Replace harmful habits with positive behaviors
Pursue Educational Accommodations
If your child struggles with impulse control in school, exhibiting frequent emotional outbursts, disruptive behavior, or difficulty sitting still, you might want to consider working with their teachers to develop an IEP or 504 plan, if one isn’t already in place.
Although your child will need to qualify, certain accommodations can help reduce the symptoms of impulse control problems and make it easier for your child to focus.
Hit the “Pause” Button Together
Kids with impulse control disorders often act first and think later. Rather than expecting them to know how to control impulses automatically, teach them to “pause.” Try a simple technique like counting to five or taking a deep breath before making decisions.
You can practice this together during calm moments—bonus points if you can make it a game! For example, say there’s a tempting cookie jar ont he counter. Show your child how to stop, count to five, and decide, “Is it a good time for a cookie, or should I wait?” Celebrate even the smallest victories when they pause before acting—it’s a big deal!
Create Predictable Routines
One of the biggest game-changers for kids with impulse control problems, along with mental health disorders or mood disorders, is to make the environment around them as controlled as possible. Impulse struggles often arrive when the world feels like chaos. The prefrontal cortex just doesn’t know what to do with all the anarchy!
To avoid this, set clear, predictable routines. This can provide your child with a sense of security and make decision-making less overwhelming. When your child knows the “rules of the road” (e.g., homework before screen time, snacks in the kitchen), they’re less likely to act on impulses.
Teach Through Role Play
Practice makes progress! Role-playing is an excellent way to help your child rehearse responses to common impulse challenges. For example, you can act out a scenario like “What if someone cuts in line?” and guide your child through choosing a thoughtful reaction instead of an impulsive one.
And remember, kids engage better when they’re having fun. Use props, funny voices, or “wrong way/right way” scenarios to keep them laughing while they’re learning.
Lean on Positive Reinforcement
Shaping behavior with rewards can do wonders for impulse control. Every time your child thinks before acting or follows the “pause button” strategy, celebrate that success. It doesn’t have to be a big deal—a high-five, sticker, or words like “I’m so proud of you for taking a moment to pause!” can go a long way.
Give Clear, Simple Instructions
Sometimes, impulsive behavior happens because your child doesn’t fully understand what’s expected of them. Kids with ADHD or autism often thrive when instructions are straightforward and direct. Instead of saying, “Can you clean up your toys when you’re done playing?” say, “Put the LEGOs in the blue bin now, please.”
Understand Their Triggers
Impulsive behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Pay attention to your child’s environment—are there common triggers that set their impulses into overdrive? Maybe they struggle right before lunch because they’re hungry, or melt down when the house is too noisy.
Take Things One Step at a Time
If you find yourself feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to seek support from therapists, behavioral specialists, or even other family members. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, and that’s okay.
The most important thing is to remember you and your child aren’t in this alone. Teaching your child to overcome their impulses can be tricky, but when done right, you aren’t just setting your child up for success in the classroom: you’re setting them up for success in life.
Further Reading
- American Addiction Centers – Impulse Control Disorders
- Casey, B., & Caudle, K. (2013). The Teenage Brain: Self Control. Current directions in psychological science, 22(2), 82–87. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413480170
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – Executive Functioning Skills By Age
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – Executive Functioning 101: The Basics of Emotional Control
- NPR.org – Why Teens Are Impulsive, Addiction-Prone And Should Protect Their Brains
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – Impulse Control: 5 Ways to Help Your Teen Succeed
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – Impulse Control: Long Term Strategies & Supports for Diverse Learners