Picture this – you, your husband, and your two-year-old son are in a restaurant, enjoying a great meal and some quality family time. Your toddler is behaving, he’s eating his macaroni and cheese, and everything is going great.
Until it’s not – and your toddler starts screaming (for God knows what reason, we might add!).
You hand over your smartphone, he thumbs through to find his favorite game, and just like that, the waterworks and temper tantrums are over.
Using screen time as a tool to improve behavior seems like it would work wonders. And in truth, it does work – but not for long. There are lots of problems associated with too much screen time (particularly with video games) and while some technology use is not only recommended but necessary, figuring out your right steps as a parent might be overwhelming.
Screen time should be limited, but this can be tough to do – especially if you have a child that’s already in the midst of an already-developed screen time addiction. Here are some simple ways that you can get your kids to buy into the concept of limiting their screen time.
We can’t promise the tantrums will disappear entirely – but these techniques should help bring them to a dull roar!
Why Screen Time & Video Games Can Be So Darn Addicting
It’s hard to resist the allure of that tell-tale “ding” as a new notification comes across your phone.
In fact, researchers have discovered that the dopamine rush you get from being in front of a screen is just the same as the one you would experience if you are abusing dangerous substances or even gambling.
While all screens are addictive, video games can be even more so. The games are designed with a certain amount of feedback – just like slot machines at a casino – that leave you wanting a little bit more each and every time.
While the risks of too much screen time – and its related addictions – are there for everyone, they are even more pronounced for young children, whose brains are still fragile and developing.
The Issues Surrounding Screen Time
There are plenty of issues surrounding excessive screen time – many of which you are probably already familiar with.
For example, a child’s brain grows the most quickly in his or her first three years of life. Therefore, this period is vital for developing crucial emotional, linguistic, motor, and social skills. Your child needs to learn how to experience the real world with all of his or her senses – before being bombarded with a screen.
The average child gets more than 7 hours of screen time per day – that’s more than what you’d put into a full-time job, once you take weekend hours into consideration!
Video games and screen time aren’t all bad, of course. In fact, video games can promote physical activity (in some cases), can be educational (in some cases), and can help foster a sense of sharing and collaboration (when played with others). They can also foster good problem-solving skills.
Unfortunately, when experienced in excess (as is true with most of us!) Too much screen time can cause negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and jealousy. It reduces creativity and takes up time that could be better spent on other endeavors.
Furthermore, kids who spend too much time in front of a screen or more likely to experience thoughts of suicide or prolonged periods of sadness. Too much screen time can also lead to increased rates of obesity, too.
Ways to Get Your Kids to Buy Into “Technology-Free” Time
Model Good Behavior
One of the most important ways to get your kids to buy into limiting their screen time and video game time is to model that good behavior yourself. Kids don’t like hearing, “because I said so,” as a justification for your orders. Not only does this not show your kids why doing something (or not doing something) is important, but it makes you look like a hypocrite, undermining your authority as a parent.
Therefore, it’s important that you model good behavior in front of your kids. It’s not enough to blame your dinnertime cell phone usage on a last-minute issue that popped up at work. If the dinner table is a no-tech zone, you need to follow those rules to the T.
Not only are children more likely to copy your behavior, but if they see you on your device all the time, they’re going to feel like they have to compete with devices for your attention. Monkey see, monkey do – and that applies to technology, too.
Educate Yourself – and Your Kids
Make sure both you and your kids understand the risks associated with too much screen time. Obviously, there is some age-appropriateness to this. However, if you’re able to explain to your children not only why they shouldn’t watch so much television – but why it’s unhealthy to do so – they might be more apt to power down.
Play With Your Kids
Kids rapidly become dependent on technology for entertainment when there are no other outlets available. Encourage your kids to become involved in other activities, like playing outside or reading a book, and enjoy those activities with them. Often, the extra attention from you will be all your kids need to buy into limiting their own screen time, too.
Make Tech Time Bonding Time
We get it – you’re busier than ever. Between juggling work, chores, caring for other family members, and (maybe) finding a few moments to yourself, it can be overwhelming trying to limit your kids’ tech time.
In fact, screen time is often used as a pacifier or babysitter, as it helps calm your children down and keep them entertained – even if only momentarily.
However, it’s important that you use the right tech and the right interventions to make the most out of this solution. If you’re going to hand your child an iPad, make sure you’re sitting down with him to watch that video.
If you want to allow your child to play a few hours of video games each week, play right along with them! By turning tech time into bonding time, you’ll reduce the ability of screen time to turn into a behaviors-producing black hole and you’ll be able to reclaim your time as a family, too.
Using technology together is a great way to get your kids to buy into limiting their overall screen time. When you’re done, they’re done. Plus, technology can help you teach your child skills like taking turns or exploring new topics – but your child isn’t going to learn these skills on his own. He needs you to help him.
Encourage Educational Apps & Productivity
There’s no recipe for success when it comes to utilizing technology. In fact, many parents find themselves confused when they discover technology programs and products marketed specifically for kids who have trouble learning or need to get ahead academically. So is technology a help – or a hindrance?
The reality is that you need to take a balanced approach to technology and your children that allows some technology use, but not an unhealthy level of technology use. Some warning signs that your child is getting too much technology? He might complain that he’s sad or bored when he can’t use technology, or you might be met with extreme resistance or even tantrums when you “cut the cord.”
Even worse, if you notice that screen time has begun to interfere with school, sleep, and regular communication, it’s time to rethink your strategies.
The problem is that many people overhype the ability of “educational” videos to help your child develop and grow. There’s no such thing as too much learning, right?
Wrong. Numerous studies have proven that so-called educational videos, like Baby Einstein, don’t actually do much to help babies’ brains grow and can actually cause issues such as learning delays.
However, if you’re going to allow some tech time, make sure that you use it wisely. Use programs that are curated specifically for kids and are age-appropriate. Some good options (that haven’t been linked to any delays) include Kidoz and Kiddle, two options for screen time that are better alternatives to other educational programs because they allow kids to explore the Internet (safely!) on their own.
Other good options are apps that encourage creativity, like Toontastic and Osmo.
Encourage Your Child to Develop His/Her Own Rules
It’s Important that you work with your child to develop a plan that will balance offline and online activities. Even when the quality of the online programs and apps that your child is using are strong, it’s still important that you preserve certain hours of the day as “non-tech” times.
An easy way to get your child to buy into the rules is to allow him to develop his own rules – within reason, of course. It might work if you say something like, “Okay. You can have one hour of tech time each day. That time cannot be during dinner, right before bed, or first thing in the morning. What periods will you set up for your tech times?”
Set rules as a family and be as involved as possible. This will help your child see the value of the rules, since they created them based on their own system of logic.
Often, your child might not even realize how much time they are spending on a device – and if you’re talking to an older child, he might recognize the value of unplugging, too, once he realizes how much time he’s wasting. Using a handy screen time chart, like this one from the National Institutes of Health, is a great way to log how much time is spent in front of a screen each week.
Use a Reward System
Similar to the point above, setting up a rewards system is a great way to encourage your child to stick to the rules that he or she established. It’s especially beneficial if your child is allowed to pick his own reward!
For this method to work, you’ll need to make sure the quality of the reward matches the difficulty of the tech-free challenge. If you’re asking your child to go cold-turkey on tech and he’s been spending four to five hours a day on his device, a simple reward like a piece of candy probably isn’t going to be enough to seal the deal.
Tailor Your Approach to Each Child
You can’t apply a one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to technology and your children. If you have multiple children, don’t assume that what works for one child will work with the rest. Instead, you need to take a multifaceted approach that addresses the unique needs and personality of every kid.
For all children, it’s also vital that you ask yourself a few vital questions. For example:
- Is my child accessing age-appropriate content?
- Are the programs and apps that they are using designed to build creativity or interactivity?
- What are the privacy settings that are in place – and are they adequately protecting my child?
- Is my child experiencing any signs of early technology addiction, as mentioned earlier?
Some Screen Time is Okay – but Make it Quality Screen Time
Obviously, there is no one who cares more about your child’s success and well-being than you do. That’s why it’s so important to teach your children to use technology in a healthy, productive way -which will help them pick up the habits and skills they need to be successful later in life.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, there isn’t much screen time that’s considered quality screen time. In general, any screen time for children under 18 months should be restricted to just video-chatting. Children who are a bit older – 18 to 24 months – can enjoy a bit of high-quality educational programs, like Sesame Street, for just a few minutes a day.
As your kids get older, the amount of allowable screen time increases. Children aged two to five years can enjoy an hour of screen time, while parents of children aged six and above are encouraged to develop “consistent limits” for screen time.
That said, a 2017 Oxford University study suggests that setting limits for screen time should be consistent with your overall parenting philosophy and style.
Ultimately, paying attention to what your child is doing with his device- and establishing rules that make sense in your broader family context – is the best approach to develop healthy habits and healthy brains. There are plenty of ways to get your kids to buy into limiting their screen time – you just need to make sure everybody is on-board for eventual success.
Further Reading:
- How and When to Limit Kids’ Tech Use: Melanie Pinola
- Daily Media Use Among Children and Teens Up Dramatically From Five Years Ago: Kaiser Family Foundation
- Why We Can’t Look Away From Our Screens: Claudia Dreifus
- Too much screen time for kids can lead to poor health, American Heart Association says: Brett Molina
- Digital Minimalism: Cal Newport
- Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time: Victoria L. Dunckley MD
- Children and Screen Time: How Much is Too Much?