One helpful model for understanding personal growth within the context of social skills development is Karl Rohnke’s Comfort, Stretch and Panic model, which was developed based on the Yerkes-Dodson law. This law posits that peak performance happens when people experience a moderate amount of pressure.
According to this model, when we either fail to challenge ourselves or become overloaded with pressure, our performance and chance of success will decline. With this in mind, the key to social success is to approach social opportunities that will push us without taking us all the way into a place of panic.
What do each of these zones look like?
Comfort Zone
The comfort zone is characterized by familiar activities or social interactions that are routine for us. Examples might include: waving hello to a long-time neighbor, talking with family members around the dinner table or joking around with familiar classmates/friends in the cafeteria.
These interactions may not be the simplest to an outside observer, but they are ones that we have done many times and are confident and comfortable with. We feel calm and competent when we are engaged in these activities or enter conversations with these people.
For most of us, comfort zone activities and interactions will form most of our day to day lives. This is typical and expected. Comfort zone interactions are safe, reassuring and recharging. They are very important for our mental health and well-being. However, it can be a red flag when we find ourselves or our student rarely or never venturing outside of our comfort zone socially.
Stretch Zone
When we are in our stretch zone, we challenge ourselves with activities or interactions that are outside of our usual comfort zone. For instance, we may go up to a less familiar neighbor and say “hi” or we might sit with a new group of students in the school lunchroom.
In the stretch zone, we do not feel panicked and overwhelmed, but are able to step up to the challenge. We may even find a rush of extra motivation and enthusiasm. Often, we need to practice developing a mindset of persistence prior to engaging with activities or interactions that fall within the stretch zone. Otherwise, we may find ourselves bailing out whenever things get a little unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
Panic Zone
When we are in the panic zone, we become completely overloaded and overwhelmed. We are swamped with fear and may enter a fight, flight, or freeze mode. We run on high alert. Being in this zone for extended periods of time often negatively impacts of sleep, mental health, and energy levels.
When we find ourselves feeling this way in a situation, it may mean that we overloaded our current skill capacity. It would likely be best if we take a step back. Socially, this may mean that we entered a situation or interaction that we were not ready for, and as a result feel trapped or overwhelmed. Social anxiety often manifests because we placed ourselves into difficult or unfamiliar social situations without enough practice or skill-building beforehand.
Factors to Consider
Social Skill/Practice Level
Reflect on how much we have practiced various social skills prior to entering real life situations. Role-playing, video modeling, practicing with more familiar friends/family, etc. can all be helpful tools to prepare us for stretch zone type social interactions. Social skills groups can also be helpful, safe, semi-structured places to grow in our social skills with peers.
Know Our Own Personality
Consider our own personality type. Are we more introverted or extroverted? Do we do better in group situations or 1:1 conversations? What types of topics would we enjoy talking about with others? The more we know about ourselves, our own strengths and personality type, the more confident we can be entering into a new social situation.
How Are We Feeling Today?
Are we well-rested or fatigued? Are we feeling extra anxious today for some reason? How is our mood? These are all important emotional factors to consider before jumping into a stretch zone social activity.
How Challenging is the Social Situation?
Also, it is important to be aware of the complexity of the social situation. This will vary for every person and is often based on the previously discussed factors listed above. What is incredibly challenging for one person may be routine for someone else. In general though, less familiar people and a larger group being present will lead to a more challenging social environment. Specific work or school groups can also have special rules that are more difficult to navigate.
Keys to Finding the Stretch Zone
- Be aware of when you’re stuck in a social comfort zone and be willing to challenge yourself.
- Have a social skills coach, therapist, friend or other person in our lives as an outside perspective to provide us with encouragement to push ourselves forward socially.
- Start out small and take baby steps. Try one new social opportunity each month – whether joining a new club, signing up for voice lessons, taking a community art class or anything else that is new and intriguing. The possibilities are endless. Start with something small and build up. For instance, your first stretch zone activity would likely involve meeting one new person or a small group rather than presenting a speech to an audience of 500 people.