For neurodivergent teens and young adults, social communication is more than learning what to say. It also means understanding how and why we share information.
One strategy gaining attention among educators, families, and practitioners is declarative language: a communication style adults can use when supporting neurodivergent learners that emphasizes shared observations, thoughts, and experiences rather than directives or demands. Many approaches rely heavily on questions or instructions. Declarative language does the opposite. It reduces social pressure and supports more meaningful interactions.
Today’s post will explore the benefits of using declarative language with your learners, why it can make a big difference for neurodivergent people, and how parents and teachers can begin integrating it into daily conversations.
Click here to jump down to the TL;DR summary.
What Is Declarative Language?
Declarative language is a style of communication that focuses on sharing thoughts, observations, and experiences, rather than asking questions or giving directions. Instead of telling someone exactly what to do or expecting a specific answer, declarative language extends the opportunity for additional communication.
Declarative vs. Imperative Language
Declarative language is often contrasted with imperative language. Declarative statements say something about what you notice or think without demanding a specific response. It sounds like an observation or comment, not an instruction.
In contrast, imperative statements give direct commands or ask specific questions. Many neurodivergent people report that direct commands or rapid-fire questions are harder to respond to. Direct, time-sensitive safety instructions are still important. Use them when needed, then return to a lower-pressure style.
- Imperative Language Example: “Go clean your room now.”
- Declarative Language Example: “I noticed your room is getting a little messy.”
Common Examples of Declarative vs. Imperative Statements:
Below are common statements parents or teachers might say, followed by lower-pressure alternatives using declarative language:
| Typical Parent or Teacher Voice (Imperative/Questioning) | Declarative Language Version |
|---|---|
| “Did you finish your homework yet?” | “I noticed you seem stuck on your homework.” |
| “Please pick up your clothes!” | “I see clothes on the floor.” |
| “Why are you always late to class?” | “I've noticed mornings seem difficult lately.” |
| “Put your phone away now, please.” | “I see your phone is still out.” |
| “Stop interrupting me!” | “I noticed you’re excited to share your thoughts right away. Let’s take turns so everyone is heard.” |
How Declarative Language Supports Neurodivergent Communicators
Declarative language is powerful because it shifts interactions from a command-based model toward a more collaborative communication style. This approach aligns well with the needs of neurodivergent teens and young adults, who often experience communication differently.
Reducing Social Pressure and Performance Anxiety
Declarative language also aligns with Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions (NDBI). While NDBIs are primarily studied in early childhood, core principles like shared control and learning in natural contexts can also guide communication with older learners. See the Autism CRC overview of NDBI. NDBI emphasizes low-pressure environments that encourage communication, particularly for autistic people.
Neurodivergent individuals can feel intense pressure when they’re expected to respond to repeated direct questions or commands. Declarative language lessens that pressure by simply sharing observations or thoughts, giving teens space to respond naturally. Over time, this approach helps reduce anxiety around social situations, making interactions more predictable and reinforcing for the individual.
Neurodivergent individuals can feel intense pressure when they’re expected to respond to repeated direct questions or commands. Declarative language lessens that pressure by simply sharing observations or thoughts, giving teens space to respond naturally. Over time, this approach can help many teens feel less anxious in social situations and make interactions more predictable. Results vary by person. Lowering everyday demands is one evidence-informed way to reduce anxiety for autistic people, including those with demand avoidance (National Autistic Society: Demand avoidance).
Encouraging Perspective-Taking and Social Thinking
Declarative statements prompt perspective-taking. They help learners consider other people’s experiences and feelings. By commenting on situations rather than demanding immediate reactions, adults prompt teens to consider the “why” behind behaviors and events. This encourages the development of deeper social cognition—the ability to understand and relate to others.
For instance, stating, “I feel happy when we work together,” can help a neurodivergent individual understand the impact of their collaboration–something that doesn’t always happen without intentional practice. Research indicates that practice with declarative communication acts are positively associated with social language development in children with ASD (Vanderbilt University Medical Center).
For instance, you can model perspective-taking with a simple observation like “I feel happy when we work together.” This is an example strategy, not a rule, and some learners benefit from explicit coaching to interpret these cues. A 2017 meta-analysis found that the frequency of declarative intentional communication was correlated with language skills in young children with autism, but correlation does not prove causation (Harbison, McDaniel, & Yoder, 2017)
5 Activities for Practicing Declarative Language
Declarative language works best when practiced consistently in everyday settings. Here are five practical activities to help parents, teachers and therapists use declarative language and support their neurodivergent teens and young adults in their daily interactions:
1. Model Observational Comments
The first and most important step is to begin by modeling declarative statements yourself. The more you model communication patterns that reflect declarative vs. imperative communication, the more likely your neurodivergent learner will do the same. Instead of instructing or questioning, simply comment on your surroundings or the situation at hand.
2. Practice and Rehearse Visual Scripts
Declarative statements may not be something your neurodivergent learner is familiar with. Spend some time introducing the concept using visual supports such as comic strips or storyboards that model declarative language. These can illustrate social scenarios of when declarative vs. imperative language is used, helping teens understand how this communication style works. Create a comic strip or storyboard that emphasizes observing and commenting rather than directing or questioning. Ask your learner follow up questions about how they might feel or others might feel when instructed/demanded vs. when declarative statements are used.
3. Practice during Low-Stakes Shared Activities
Start practicing declarative language in environments or situations with minimal social pressure. Encourage declarative comments during family meals or small-group classroom discussions, rather than during large presentations or unfamiliar gatherings. Familiar people and settings help teens feel comfortable experimenting with this new communication style without fear of mistakes.
4. Include Declarative Prompts in Cooperative Group Projects
In classroom or extracurricular activities, teachers and coaches can encourage declarative language with their learners by embedding declarative language in group tasks or classroom projects. Write prompts or activity requirements that encourage individuals to express their observations and thoughts openly, followed by inviting another person to contribute similarly.
5. Reflection Time
Another way to build the habit of using declarative language for you and for your learner is by building in reflection time as part of transitions. As you leave a location or end an activity to start another, build your routine to include a short time for reflection. For example, after an outing, say, “I noticed it felt loud at the restaurant today,” and invite teens to offer their own observations.
This can also be embedded into the routine at the start of social activities, to help neurodivergent individuals communicate about heading into an event. When it is part of the routine, it can become a habit. Learners begin to share declarative observations about their experiences.
For more information on building daily routines for neurodivergent individuals, download our FREE Daily Routines Fillable .PDF worksheet from The Real Life Executive Functioning Workbook.
Encouragement for Parents and Educators
Shifting communication styles isn’t always easy, but small changes can make a difference. Teaching neurodivergent teens and young adults to use declarative language isn’t just about improving social skills, it’s about helping them feel more confident, connected, and independent in their daily interactions.
Start small and stay consistent. By regularly modeling declarative language, you create a safe space for teens to explore new ways of communicating at their own pace. Remember, the goal isn’t perfection, but progress. Each thoughtful observation or comment strengthens their social thinking skills and builds toward meaningful, stress-free interactions.
If needed, seek out additional supports to help you in the process. The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) has helpful tools for parents and educators about modeling and building communication for neurodivergent learners. Or consider partnering with a communication or executive functioning coach specializing in strategies to help build better communication habits for your teen.
Most importantly, keep encouraging and celebrating even the smallest successes. Over time, you’ll see how this supportive communication style helps support deeper relationships, greater autonomy, and genuine self-expression for the neurodivergent communicators in your life. Together, these efforts can transform everyday conversations into moments of genuine connection and growth.
TL;DR: Teaching Neurodivergent Teens to Use Declarative Language
Declarative language is a communication style that focuses on sharing observations and experiences rather than giving commands or asking direct questions. It’s especially beneficial for neurodivergent teens and young adults because it can reduce social anxiety, encourage independence, and promote deeper social understanding. To practice declarative language effectively:
- Model observational comments in daily interactions.
- Use visual scripts or social stories to clearly illustrate examples.
- Practice in comfortable, low-stakes settings like family meals or small groups.
- Integrate declarative prompts into cooperative projects or classroom activities.
- Schedule consistent reflection times to encourage regular practice.
Start small, stay consistent, and celebrate progress to foster more meaningful and confident interactions.
Further Reading
- American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA)
- Life Skills Advocate – Executive Functioning Coaching
- Life Skills Advocate – Real Life Executive Functioning Workbook
- Naturalistic Developmental Behavioral Interventions: Empirically Validated Treatments for Autism Spectrum Disorder
- Vanderbilt University – The association of imperative and declarative intentional communication with language in young children with autism spectrum disorder: A meta-analysis.