Maybe you’ve heard people say “college is where you find your people.” But has anyone ever explained how to actually do that—especially if you’ve struggled to make or keep friends in the past?
If you’re feeling nervous about making connections when you head to college, you’re not alone. Lots of students wonder what to say, when to say it, or how to even begin.
The good news? Friendship isn’t something you either have or don’t—it’s something you can learn. And just like any skill, it can be broken down into smaller steps, practiced over time, and done in a way that works for you.
In this post, you’ll find practical tips—things you can start doing before you even get to campus, ideas for that first week of college, and gentle guidance for handling social moments once you’re there. Whether you’re outgoing, quiet, routine-loving, or socially anxious, these tips are designed with neurodivergent brains in mind.
Let’s talk about how to make real, low-pressure, and meaningful connections in college—your way.
Click here to jump down to the TL;DR summary.
Why Making Friends in College Matters
Why Friends Make College Easier
College isn’t just schoolwork—it’s a big life change. You’ll have new surroundings, new tasks, and maybe even live on your own for the first time. Having even just one or two trusted people can make a big difference when things feel overwhelming.
Friends can listen when you’ve had a rough day, remind you of your strengths, or just be there so you’re not eating meals alone in your dorm room. Studies show the support of friends helps our mental health, our physical health, and even can boost your grades.
Friends Make College More Manageable (and More Fun!)
Let’s face it—college comes with a lot of adulting.
Figuring out new routines, environments, and expectations can feel overwhelming. Having a friend means you have someone to figure it out with. Want to try a new club, go to an event, or ask a professor for help? That stuff is way easier with someone by your side. Even better, friends can make boring stuff fun—like late-night study sessions or laundry runs that turn into laughs and snack breaks.
Why It Might Feel Harder for Neurodivergent Students
If you’re neurodivergent, making friends might feel complicated or confusing at times. Social interactions might take more energy, or you might process conversations differently—and that’s perfectly okay. You might have been misunderstood or left out in the past, and that makes it hard to trust that college will be different.
But here’s the truth: College is full of people looking for connection.
Most students coming to campus for the first time are nervous, awkward or unsure—even if they seem confident. You don’t have to be the most outgoing person in the room. You just need a few ways to connect that feel safe, doable, and true to who you are.
In the next section, we’ll talk about what you can start doing before college even begins to set yourself up for better friendships.
Before You Get to Campus: Set Yourself Up for Social Success
You don’t have to wait until move-in day to start building connections. A little planning ahead can take some pressure off once school starts. Here are a few low-stress ways to make social life a little easier—before you even step foot on campus.
1. Join Online Groups for Incoming Students
Most colleges have group chats, Discord servers, or social media pages just for incoming students. These are great places to ask questions, introduce yourself, or see who shares your interests. You don’t have to post every day or at all—just being there and noticing what others are talking about can help you feel more prepared.
Tip: If you see someone mention a shared interest (like gaming, books, or a TV show you love), leave a comment or send a quick DM like, “I’m into that too—have you played/read/seen ___?” Small things like that can lead to bigger connections.
2. Reach Out to Your Roommate (If You Have One)
If you’ve been assigned a roommate, consider sending them a short message before school starts. You could share a little about yourself—your routine, sensory needs, or preferences for quiet—and ask about theirs. This helps you start off with clear communication and shows that you’re interested in being respectful and connected.
You don’t have to become best friends, but a friendly introduction can make move-in feel a lot less awkward.
Want some tips on how to talk about neurodivergence with others and ways to set up your dorm space for success? Check out these blog posts:
- 7 Neurodivergent Tips for Sharing Your Unique Abilities
- Practicing Real-World Self-Advocacy: A Guide for Neurodivergent Individuals
- How to Make Your Living Spaces Executive Function Friendly
- Executive Function Help for College Students: Less Overwhelm, More Independence
3. Follow Your Future College on Social Media
Many clubs, departments, or student groups have Instagram or TikTok accounts. You can follow ones that seem interesting to you, watch what they post, and even comment or message to learn more. This can help you feel more familiar with what’s happening on campus, start to generate topics to talk about with others—and sometimes, you can spot events or groups you want to check out later.
4. Identify Clubs or Interest Groups That Match You
Before school starts, browse your college’s website for a list of student clubs, organizations, or events. Look for ones that match your hobbies or values—whether it’s anime, theater, robotics, environmental action, LGBTQ+ groups, or faith-based communities.
Bonus: Make a short list of 2–3 you might want to visit in your first month. You don’t have to commit—just explore.
5. Make a “Social Game Plan” (aka a Low-Stress Friendship Strategy)
Having a plan going into school is a helpful strategy instead of showing up and expecting friendship to just “happen.”
Think ahead about what kinds of social situations work best for you. Do you prefer one-on-one conversations or small groups? Do you need quiet time after socializing? Do you feel more confident when you have a script or a job to do?
Instead of saying ‘I want friends,’ make your goal clear and easy to track. This kind of goal is called a SMART goal. It means Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This helps break the process into small, doable steps and gives you a way to track your progress without pressure.
Here’s an example:
Not-so-SMART goal: “I want to make friends in college.”
SMART goal: During my first two weeks on campus, I’ll attend one club meeting and introduce myself to at least two people.
You can create your own goal based on what feels realistic for you. Maybe your version looks like:
- “I’ll DM one person from the college Discord server this month.”
- “I’ll eat in the dining hall once a day instead of taking food to go.”
- “I’ll invite someone from my orientation group to walk to class with me.”
Write your goal down and celebrate each small step—it all counts. And remember, you can always revise your goal if it feels too big or too small. The point isn’t perfection—it’s progress.
For a free .pdf guide on writing SMART goals, check out our exercise from The Real Life Executive Functioning Workbook.
The First Week on Campus: Take Small Social Steps
Let’s fast forward to your first few days on campus.
The first week of college is a whirlwind. There’s a lot happening at once—new spaces, new faces, and more information than your brain probably wants to hold.
The good news? Every year is a new year and many people are looking for connections just like you are. You don’t need to be super social—you just need a few low-pressure ways to put yourself in the mix.
6. Attend Welcome Week Events (Even for Just 15 Minutes)
Orientation and welcome week are packed with events. They’re designed to help students meet each other—but that doesn’t mean you have to stay for everything or be “on” the whole time.
Try choosing one or two events that sound manageable or interesting.
Tell yourself (or set your smartwatch): I’m just going for 15 minutes. That small commitment can take away the pressure. If you feel comfortable, stay longer. If not, you still showed up—and that counts.
7. Try the “Sit Near Someone and Say One Thing” Approach
Dining halls, lounges, and large gatherings can be overwhelming. One simple trick? Sit near someone (not too close!) and say just one thing. It could be:
- “Mind if I sit here?”
- “Hey—how’s your day going?”
- “You look so familiar. Have we met before?”
- “Do you know what’s happening next?”
- “I liked your shirt/bag/laptop stickers—where’d you get it?”
- “I’m trying to remember names, but my brain’s full—what’s yours again?”
You don’t have to lead a long conversation. Just making a small effort can open the door for future interactions—and it gets easier the more you try.
8. Look for Peer Mentor or Buddy Programs
Many colleges have peer support programs—things like orientation buddies, transition coaches, or first-year mentors. These are often upperclassmen with special training to help new students adjust and feel welcome. Some are even run through the student supports office and are especially supportive of neurodivergent needs.
If your school offers something like this, sign up early. These mentors can introduce you to other students, answer questions, and help you feel more confident navigating campus life.
9. Keep Your Dorm Room Door Open Sometimes
You don’t have to be an extrovert or throw a party. But if you live in a dorm, try keeping your door open during move-in or in the evenings when people are hanging out. It’s a simple signal that says, “I’m friendly, and it’s okay to say hi.”
If this feels uncomfortable, challenge yourself by setting a timer and have it open for 10 minutes. That short amount of time can lead to someone stopping by, waving, or starting a conversation. Little things like this can create a sense of community without you having to initiate or make a big social push.
10. Ask to Walk with Someone After Class or Orientation
If you find someone you click with during orientation or class, try a low-key ask:
- “Hey, do you want to walk over together?”
- “I was about to grab lunch—wanna join?”
- “You heading back to the dorms too?”
- “Mind if I walk with you for a bit?”
- “Do you know where the [library/cafeteria/gym] is? I think it’s on the way”
- “It’s always like a walk with someone else—do you want to come along?”
These short moments—like walking between buildings or grabbing food—are natural ways to connect without needing a big, planned hangout. You’re already going that way—why not go with someone?
During the Semester: Keep Building (Even If It’s Slow)
Once the first week is over and classes are in full swing, it might feel like everyone else already has a solid friend group. (Spoiler: they don’t.)
Relationships take time—especially if you process social situations differently or prefer clearer cues and space to recharge.
This stage of making friends on campus is all about consistency, small interactions, and pacing yourself. You don’t need to “click” right away. Just keep showing up in ways that feel sustainable, and trust that real connections can grow slowly and still be meaningful.
11. Say “Yes” to Low-Key Invites (When You Can)
If someone invites you to something casual—like studying, eating, or going to an event—try to say yes if your energy allows. These small moments can lead to bigger friendships over time. You don’t have to go to everything. Even accepting one invite a week can help you feel more included and visible.
It’s also okay to let friends know what works best for you. Keep these statements handy:
- “I’d love to hang out, but big groups are hard for me—mind if it’s just a few of us?”
- “Sure, I can come for a little while—what time are you heading over?”
- “Yeah, I’d like that. I might need to dip out early if I get overwhelmed.”
- “I’m not up for a big crowd tonight, but want to grab coffee tomorrow instead?”
- “I’m too drained for a group dinner tonight, but I’m free to hang out for a bit tomorrow—want to study together?”
- “That sounds fun—can I let you know day-of, depending on how I’m feeling?”
- “I’d love to—but can we do something low-key like a walk or a movie?”
12. Find “Friendship Routines” (Like Weekly Club Meetings)
One of the easiest ways to build relationships is through repetition. Find something that meets regularly—a club, study group, religious group, or activity night. Showing up consistently gives people a chance to get to know you over time, without having to constantly start from scratch.
Bonus: If you’re shy, it’s easier to talk to someone the third or fourth time you’ve seen them than the first.
13. Use Shared Interests as Conversation Starters
When conversations feel hard, start with a shared activity. If you’re in the same class, talk about the assignment. If you’re in the same club, ask about what brought them there. You don’t have to dig deep—just get curious.
Try phrases like:
- “What made you want to join this group?”
- “How are you finding the class so far?”
- “I saw you were working on [thing]—that looked cool.”
- “Have you been to this event before?”
- “I’ve been looking for people to do [activity] after our class—do you want to join?”
Shared interests are great conversation scaffolding—especially when socializing feels unpredictable.
Try this conversation starter card game to make the process more fun.
14. Practice Self-Talk for Awkward Moments
Awkward moments happen. You might forget someone’s name. You might say something you later wish you hadn’t. You might get interrupted or misunderstood. That’s normal—and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Instead of spiraling, it’s good to keep a list of statements on your phone or in a card in your backpack to help with practicing some self-talk in difficult moments:
- “That was a little awkward, but it’s over now.”
- “Everyone says weird things sometimes. It doesn’t mean I’m weird.”
- “This moment felt hard, but I’ve handled stuff like this before.”
- “I might not have clicked with that person—and that’s okay.”
- “Next time, I’ll try something different. This was good practice.”
- “Just because it felt uncomfortable doesn’t mean it was bad.”
- “They might be just as nervous as I am.”
- “I showed up. That counts as progress.”
- “Awkward is a part of learning—and I’m learning.”
Being kind to yourself helps you stay open to future interactions instead of shutting down. When you notice your brain going into “social failure” mode, pause and reframe. One moment doesn’t define your social life—especially when you keep showing up with courage and kindness.
15. Respect Recovery Time—Recharge When Needed
You don’t have to be social every day. In fact, resting your brain and body between interactions helps prevent burnout and resentment. If socializing drains you, plan recovery time just like you would for studying or sleep.
Alone time doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re listening to your needs. That’s part of healthy friendship-building too.
Friendship Tips Specifically for Neurodivergent Students
College is full of people—but it’s not always easy to find your people.
That’s especially true if you’re navigating sensory sensitivity, social anxiety, past experiences with rejection, or if you just feel like your brain works differently from everyone else’s. These tips are designed just for you—to help you connect with others while honoring who you are.
16. Script a Few Go-To Icebreakers or Conversation Starters
If you get stuck on what to say, prepare a few lines ahead of time. Think of it like building your own social toolbox. You can practice these with a trusted adult, in front of a mirror, or even type them into your phone as reminders.
Include some of the examples above, or try these:
- “Hi, I’m [name]. I’m new here—what’s your major?”
- “This event looks fun. Have you done anything like this before?”
- “I’m not great with crowds, but I wanted to check this out.”
Having these ready takes away the stress of trying to come up with something on the spot.
17. Use Visual or Written Tools to Remember Names and Details
Remembering faces, names, or small talk details can be tough. Don’t be afraid to use tools that help. You might jot notes on your phone like “Alex – met at gaming club – loves D&D” or keep a photo of a seating chart for class.
This isn’t weird—it’s smart.
People feel valued when you remember little things about them, and having a system in place helps your brain focus on connection instead of recall.
18. Find “Social Middle Grounds” (Like Study Groups or Game Nights)
Some social settings can be overwhelming—especially noisy parties or unstructured hangouts. Look for “middle ground” spaces where there’s a shared activity and a natural structure. This gives you a focus (so you’re not just sitting around talking) and can reduce social anxiety.
Try:
- Campus game nights or board game clubs
- Study groups for shared classes
- Craft nights, movie screenings, or role-playing groups
- Volunteering or service projects with others
Structured social time is still social—and often more comfortable.
19. Talk with Student Advisory Services About Social Coaching Options
Your school’s disability services office or academic advisory office may offer more than just academic accommodations. Some colleges have social coaching, peer mentorship, or executive functioning support programs that help with confidence, communication, and community-building.
Even if they don’t advertise these services, ask! You might get connected with a student mentor, a neurodivergent-friendly support group, or even a counselor who can help you build social goals.
20. Don’t Measure Friendship by Speed—Measure It by Safety
You might look around and think, Everyone already has their group. But real friendship isn’t about collecting people fast—it’s about building safety and trust over time.
If someone makes you feel safe, respected, and comfortable being yourself—that’s a win. You don’t need ten close friends. Even one solid connection can change your whole college experience.
Go at your own pace. The right people will meet you there.
TL;DR: Too Long, Didn’t Read
Making friends in college doesn’t have to be overwhelming—especially if you’re neurodivergent.
This guide breaks down 20 practical, low-pressure tips to help you build real connections in a way that works for your brain.
You’ll learn what to do before move-in day, how to start conversations during your first week, and how to keep building relationships throughout the semester—without burning out or pretending to be someone you’re not.
Whether you prefer one-on-one chats, shared activities, or just need help getting started, this post is your game plan for finding community, your way.
Further Reading
- American Psychological Association – The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy
- Life Skills Advocate – 7 Neurodivergent Tips for Sharing Your Unique Abilities
- Life Skills Advocate – Practicing Real-World Self-Advocacy: A Guide for Neurodivergent Individuals
- Life Skills Advocate – How to Make Your Living Spaces Executive Function Friendly
- Life Skills Advocate – Executive Function Help for College Students: Less Overwhelm, More Independence
- Life Skills Advocate – 11 Best Colleges & Universities With Executive Function Resources
- UK Mental Health Foundation – Friendship and Mental Health
- The Benefits of Friendships in Academic Settings: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis