When you’re working on developing a new routine with your child, consistency is key.
Something else that can help you, particularly when you are working with a child who has unique learning needs, such as autism, is to remember that a routine is nothing more than a series of consecutive habits that are repeated on a daily basis.
Because of this, one of the best things you can do to set yourself up for success when creating a new routine is to help your child create habits that will actually stick.
Here are some tips on how to do that so that you can implement a new routine that will withstand whatever life throws at it.
Do a Trial Run
As we’ve discussed previously, all it takes around 2 months to get a new habit to stick. However, for the sake of consistency, give your child at least 60 days to try out a new habit. This will help turn any act into an automatic habit. It will fit easily into your calendar – so consider using an actual calendar to block off this time and to help your child keep track of his or her progress in a more visual, accessible way.
Let him or her check off the days on the calendar where the habit was practiced. For example, if you’re trying to build the habit of brushing teeth with no reminders from mom and dad, you can have your child mark the days in which this was actually achieved.
Start Simple
It may sound silly to set goals for developing habits as simple as brushing your teeth, but for a child with unique learning needs, simple is satisfactory. While you might be trying to implement a larger morning routine, trying to get your child to do multiple tasks and develop several new habits all at once might be overwhelming, leading to feelings of failure and a reluctance to commit.
Instead, break the new routine down into simple habits that your child can practice and master one at a time.
Use Reminders
…but make sure those reminders don’t rely on you or other members of your child’s personal cheer squad, like his teachers. Instead, implement tools that will remind your child to stick to his or habits, such as reminder apps in his phone or sticky notes to keep him on track.
Look for Triggers or Rituals
If you are the parent or teacher of a child with a diverse learning need like autism, you are probably already more than familiar with how triggers and rituals can be key in sticking to a routine – or on the flip side, instrumental in producing a full-blown meltdown.
Use triggers to your advantage. Think about the habits that your child is trying to develop and consider how you can use triggers right before executing those habits. For example, if you were trying to get your child to go to bed by 9 pm each night, you could have a certain trigger that indicates it’s bedtime (like fluffing the pillows or taking a hot bath).
Triggers can be longer, more drawn-out processes, or they can be simple gestures – whatever it takes to help your child get the hang of a new habit.
Consider Whether Certain Bad Habits Were Fulfilling a Need
One of the challenges that many parents and teachers face when trying to get kids to adapt to a new routine or to adopt a certain habit is that sometimes, bad habits might be fulfilling some sort of purpose. Yes, they might be bad habits to have – but are they providing your child with something he needs to stay healthy or avoid a meltdown?
For instance, you might be trying to get your child into the habit of doing his homework immediately after school – say, for at least one hour. That’s a noble habit to want to create, but if your child is spending an hour watching television or playing video games rather than doing his homework, it may be worth your time to investigate why.
Does he need that hour to wind down? Is there something else that can be done as a form of decompression – or can you simply allow that hour and move the new “habit” of doing homework a bit later in the evening?
Don’t Be Afraid of “But”
Many children with unique learning needs (and, let’s face it, many of us adults too!) like to think in absolutes. “I’m no good at math.” “I have no willpower when it comes to chocolate.”
When it comes to breaking the cycle of bad habits and to creating good ones that will actually stick, it’s important that you (and particularly your child) have a little grace. Encourage your child to think objectively and to start countering negative thoughts with conditionals.
Rather than saying, “I’m no good at math,” for instance, you might have him say, “I’m no good at math but if I work hard enough and get my homework done, I could be better later.”
Remove Temptations – But Be Prepared for Blowback
Sometimes, the easiest way to break your child of a bad habit and to encourage a new one is to remove temptations.
Trying to get your child to go to bed earlier? Take the television or cell phone out of his bedroom. No distractions.
Just be prepared for the very likely reality that your child might resist this intervention – and it could result in a blowout.
Treat it As an Experiment
If your child is truly reluctant to give a new set of habits a try, it may make sense to offer it as a one-time experiment rather than a long-term habit formation process.
Set a time period – the aforementioned 30 days is a great day to start – and tell your child that they only have to stick to the new routine or habit for that period. At the end of that time, they don’t have to continue.
More likely than not, the habit will continue long past the 30 days, but your child may be more willing to get started than if you treated the habit as a long-term process.
Try a Rewards System
Of course, the act of creating successful habits that stick is an intrinsic process – you can’t expect your child to develop a lifelong habit with the exception that they will get a package of gummy bears every time the habit is successfully completed!
However, using a rewards system is a good way to get your child “hooked” on the habit in the first place. Sit down with your child and discuss what kind of reward might be acceptable for completing the habit. Ideally, you shouldn’t reward your child just for a one-time completion of the habit, as they will likely lose interest fast. Instead, offer a reward for the completion of 5, 10, 15, or ideally, 30 days of the repeated habit.
Over time, you can hopefully ditch the rewards system as the new habit and routine will become so ingrained in your child that it is second nature – and doesn’t require any goading.
Incorporate Role Models
Is there another child or perhaps an adult or celebrity your child looks up to? If so, consider whether you might use them as a role model in creating a new habit that will actually stick. For example, say your child has an infatuation with a certain athlete. You could use that person as an example when it comes to getting your child to eat healthier.
“You see how big and strong Tom Brady is? He didn’t get that way eating chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese – he had to eat a lot of vegetables.”
This may work better with younger children, but remember that for older ones in particular, their peers have a profound impact on their behaviors. Consider using your child’s friends to help set examples to encourage a new habit.
Be Patient
The best tip you can follow when you’re trying to set new habits, whether for yourself or for your child, is to remember that success does not come overnight. It can be difficult to build new habits, as there are all kinds of distractions that might shoot you off track.
However, it’s important to keep track of your habits and to evaluate whether you and your child are hitting the mark at least 75% of the time.
Creating a new routine and developing new habits that actually stick can be a difficult process. However, there are so many benefits to following a routine, both for children with unique learning needs as well as anyone, for that matter, LINK that it’s important to get started today.
Further Reading
- Marcus Autism Center: Establishing Routines at Home
- MaryAnn Demchak, Ph.D., BCBA-D: Creating structure at home for children with disabilities
- George Loewenstein, Joseph Price, Kevin Volpp: Habit formation in children: Evidence from incentives for healthy eating
- Rebekah Pierce: The Benefits Of Setting A Daily Routine: How Schedules Can Help Your Child With Unique Learning Needs
- Rebekah Pierce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Daily Schedule