If you’ve been trying to establish a routine for your child, you probably already know how challenging it can be to get started. Whether you’re met with resistance from your child or he adapts easily to the new routine, it can take some time to get used to new habits.
Once he does, there’s a good chance that you don’t want to do anything that might mess that up. You both are comfortable, things are getting done, and you’re meeting very little resistance. You might be tempted to think that the two of you can stay on this trajectory forever.
Comfort is a good thing – but when it comes to an established routine, it’s sometimes necessary to step outside of your comfort zone. Not only can changing up a routine challenge your child to be a better version of himself, but there are also times when a change is needed for other reasons.
Perhaps your child has just been assigned a large, multi-step project at school. Maybe he has a lofty, challenging goal he would like to accomplish (such as getting into a prestigious college).
Whatever the case may be, it is important to know how to insert tasks for a large project into an already established routine. While this might sound relatively simple to you, as the adult in the situation, it might not be so seamless for your child with unique learning needs.
Here are some tips.
How To Insert Tasks For A Large Project Into An Already Established Routine
1. Identify What Needs to Happen
Before you do anything else, sit down and make a list of what exactly needs to happen. What is the goal? Chances are, if you’re reading this article, it is a very large task that needs to be broken down into multiple subparts.
From there, something that can be helpful is to identify a singular habit, sometimes referred to as a “keystone habit,” that can make your child successful in carrying out all of those individual tasks.
For example, if the goal is applying to college, the “keystone habit” might be doing homework at a certain time each night. Of course, just sitting down to do homework from 4 pm to 5 pm won’t get your child into MIT – but it will help form the foundation of a new routine.
2. Eliminate Any Unnecessary Components or “Distractors”
Next, you will want to identify any parts of the existing routine that are deadweight – those that can be tossed out. It might not necessarily be a task that’s taking up a lot of time in a routine but instead a feature of the environment that’s causing distraction and therefore needs to be eliminated – like a messy desk.
3. Start With One Thing at a Time
By now, you have a list of all the subtasks that need to be completed for your large project to be successful. For the getting into college example, these tasks might be:
- Pass Trigonometry with a grade of B+ or better (with all of its associated subgoals, like getting an A on Friday’s test or completing all homework on time)
- Visit MIT campus
- Fill out online application
- Get three letters of recommendation
- Write admissions essay
- Revise admissions essay
- Take SATs
…and so on.
As you can see, some of these parts may have multiple components that gradually get more complex, so it’s important to sit down ahead of time and make a clear, detailed list of everything that needs to be done so that nothing is left out and everyone is on the same page.
However, once you get all of this “word soup” out on paper, it’s important that you and your child don’t spend all of your time running around with a chicken with its head cut off, trying to accomplish all of these things at once inside of an already-established routine.
Instead, just pick the most time-sensitive task (you can read more about creating a routine here) and target that first. Find a way to implement that into your daily routine – and only that – and once you have that goal accomplished, you can work on adding the other pieces next.
By focusing on just one thing at a time, you’ll find that you are both more effective. This is a very powerful way of achieving goals and sticking to a routine. Try to tackle all of these at once, and there’s a good chance that your child’s energy and focus will be spread too thin, leading to frustration and ultimately, to an abandonment of the project or goal.
4. Pay Attention to Reactions
Watch your child as you implement this new task – remember, you’re only adding one task into the routine right now. Consider the moments that lead to frustration and cause some friction as you encourage your child in his new routine.
What is the reason for the frustration? Is there something in the routine or the workflow making this new addition unnecessarily difficult? Is he simply annoyed by or resistant to change? Paying close attention to these moments – and ideally, writing them down for memory’s sake – can help give you both some insight on how things can be improved.
5. Don’t Be Afraid of Failure
Don’t expect this “task insertion” in your established routine to work well the very first time. It’s normal to fear change – after all, the familiar is safe.
But it’s important to explain to your child that failure is not only also normal, but to be expected. Failure presents a learning opportunity. Remember, the initial routine likely had some bumps in the road when you were first getting it established, too. Encourage your child and try to help them get beyond feelings of guilt, disappointment, and despair.
Whenever possible, remove negative words from your vocabulary and encourage your child to do the same. Rather than saying things like “can’t,” “won’t,” and “never,” replace them with things like, “I’m going to work hard,” and “I’m going to do….x.”
6. Consider Sleep Schedules
Sleep schedules? Whoa. That might seem like a hard transition – but wait a second.
When you’re inserting tasks into an already established routine, it might seem like there are no more hours in the day for your child to work with. He’s already busy with school, chores, soccer practice…how on earth are you going to find time to add in yet another goal?
An easy way to insert new tasks is to reevaluate sleep. How many hours is your child sleeping? If it’s too many, consider bumping bedtime an hour later or wake-up times an hour earlier to get more done. Getting up earlier will not only encourage your child to engage in more healthy habits, like eating a balanced breakfast and having a peaceful (rather than rushed) start to the day, but it can also give you both more time to get stuff done.
But if your child is not getting the hours of sleep he needs, you may want to do the opposite – add an hour of sleep at either end of the day. A bit more sleep might be just what the doctor ordered to make your child more productive. It sounds counterintuitive, but removing an hour of “work” from the daily routine could actually give you more time to work with – because it will be more productive.
7. Can You Delegate – At Least Temporarily?
When it comes to your child’s routine, there’s a good chance that you consider pretty much everything on it non-negotiable. From doing homework to brushing teeth and everything that falls in between, you might not be able to cross any “unnecessary” items off your child’s routine to fit in some steps for a larger project.
However, you may find that there are certain things that you both can let slide temporarily while a larger project is being completed. Say, for example, your child is responsible for taking out the trash and doing the dishes as part of his daily routine. Could you take care of the dishwashing instead while he is working on his college essay? This only needs to be a temporary switch, of course, but can help you both find more hours in the day to accomplish this larger task.
Encourage “Neuroplasticity”
A routine is incredibly valuable because it can help your child (and you!) get through day-to-day tasks without having to think too much about them – or get too stressed out. However, it’s important to switch things up from time to time, too.
Forcing your brain to make a change will encourage it to make new connections, something known as “neuroplasticity.” This can increase your brain’s ability to handle stress, to discover new solutions, and, ultimately, to become more efficient.
You read that right – the occasional switch-up can actually make you smarter.
Encourage the development of your child’s brain by implementing strong routines – but don’t be afraid to insert new tasks into them on occasion, either. This can be stressful for a child with unique learning needs, like autism, but when done correctly, can ultimately benefit everyone involved.
Don’t be afraid to give it a try!
Further Reading
- Heidi Godman: Challenge your mind and body to sharpen your thinking skills
- Amy Sippl: Executive Functioning Skills 101: Flexibility
- Rebekah Pierce: How to Assess the Likelihood That a New Routine Will Stick
- John Traugott: Achieving Your Goals: An Evidence-Based Approach