If you have been diagnosed with ADHD, you may be struggling with perfectionism. Or, if you are a perfectionist, you may have undiagnosed ADHD.
It is not uncommon for neurodivergent people to be perfectionists, and vice versa.
In this blog post, we will explore the connection between perfectionism and ADHD and other forms of neurodivergence, as well as provide some tips for coping.
Let’s dive in.
What is Perfectionism?
In its simplest form, perfectionism can be described as a tendency to set excessively high standards or strive for unreasonable levels of achievement. However, perfectionism is often much more complex than that.
For many people, perfectionism is chronic procrastination. It is setting unrealistic goals and then beating yourself up when you don’t meet them. It is being your own worst critic. It is never feeling like you are good enough.
If you are a perfectionist, chances are you put a lot of pressure on yourself. You may feel like you have to be perfect in everything you do, whether it’s at work, school, home, or in your relationships.
Maybe you feel like you can’t relax or take a break until everything on your to-do list is done—and even then, it’s not really done because it could always be done better. If this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone.
Do People With ADHD Struggle With Perfectionism?
People with ADHD are more likely to set unrealistic standards for themselves and to have an all-or-nothing attitude towards their goals. They’re also more likely to be highly critical of their own performance and to beat themselves up over their mistakes.
This combination of high standards and self-criticism can make it extremely difficult for people with ADHD to achieve their goals. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.
So what connects ADHD (or other forms of neurodiversity) and perfectionism?
Some people might say that perfectionism and ADHD are two completely different things. After all, one is a mental disorder while the other is simply a personality trait. However, there is evidence to suggest that these two concepts are more closely intertwined than you might think.
For instance, people with ADHD tend to be highly anxious and obsess over details. This can lead them to fixate on certain tasks or goals, making it difficult to move on or let go of things that are out of their control.
Furthermore, people with ADHD often struggle to empathize with others, which can contribute to perfectionistic tendencies. In essence, then, it seems that perfectionism and ADHD share some commonalities. While they are not the same thing, they are certainly connected in some way.
Finally, people with ADHD or other forms of neurodiversity tend to focus strongly on meeting rigid standards or “pre conditions” that must be met in order to start a task. This results in extreme perfectionism that can make it difficult to get anything done – and may look more like procrastination or task paralysis than anything else.
How to Use Your Perfectionism for Good (Not Evil!) When You Are Neurodivergent
If you’re neurodivergent, chances are you’re a perfectionist. And if you’re a perfectionist, you probably experience a lot of anxiety and stress related to your work. After all, when your standards are impossibly high, it’s hard to ever feel like you’re good enough.
But what if we told you that there was a way to use your perfectionism for good? Instead of seeing it as a hindrance, what if you saw it as a strength? Here’s how.
Be Gentle With Yourself
It can be tough to face the fact that you’re not perfect, but it’s important to remember that nobody is. Even if you feel like you have to be perfect all the time, it’s important to give yourself a break. After all, you’re only human.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, here are a few things that might help. First, try to focus on the process instead of the outcome. Don’t worry about making everything perfect; just concentrate on doing your best.
Second, cut yourself some slack. Recognize that you’re not perfect and that it’s okay to make mistakes.
Finally, although it’s hard, don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, so comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse.
Put Things Into Perspective
Perfectionism is often driven by an underlying fear of failure. This fear can be debilitating and prevent you from taking risks or trying new things. It’s important to remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that there is no such thing as perfect. Embrace your imperfections and focus on your strengths. Don’t let the fear of making a mistake hold you back from living your best life.
Prioritize What’s Important
According to the Eisenhower Matrix, there are four quadrants that prioritize tasks based on importance and urgency.
The first quadrant is for important and urgent tasks, which should be done immediately. The second quadrant is for important but not urgent tasks, which should be scheduled. The third quadrant is for not important but urgent tasks, which can be delegated. The fourth quadrant is for neither important nor urgent tasks, which can be ignored.
If you have perfectionism as a person with ADHD, it is important to focus on the task at hand and not try to do everything at once. By using the Eisenhower Matrix, you can prioritize what is important and ensure that you are not overwhelmed by your To Do list.
Set Realistic Goals
If you’re a perfectionist, it can be difficult to set realistic goals. You may feel like you have to be perfect all the time, or that anything less than perfect is a failure.
However, this is not realistic or healthy. Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, anxiety, and depression. It can also interfere with your ability to complete tasks and meet deadlines.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, aim for progress, not perfection. Focus on the process, not the outcome. And give yourself grace when you make mistakes.
Remember that you are human and that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your victories, no matter how small they may be.
Write Down Reminders
One way to help manage perfectionism is to write down reminders. This can help you to focus on the task at hand and not get bogged down in the details. It can also be helpful to set time limits for yourself and break tasks into smaller chunks.
Investigate Your Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is defined as a “pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized belief that they are not as competent as others perceive them to be.”
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, research has found that people with ADHD are more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome than those without the condition.
There are a few possible explanations for this link. For one, people with ADHD are often bombarded with messages from the outside world telling them that they’re not good enough.
This can lead to a feeling of inadequacy that is hard to shake. Additionally, neurodivergent people often have difficulty completing tasks, which can reinforce the belief that they’re not as competent as others.
Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to begin managing your imposter syndrome.Try to catch yourself when you start doubting your abilities. Acknowledge the thought, but then remind yourself of your accomplishments (no matter how small they may seem).
Be Open to Feedback
Be open to feedback. Whether it’s from a therapist, coach, or friend, hearing what others have to say about your behavior can be extremely helpful. It can help you to understand your triggers and start to make changes that will lead to more success in the future.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, it may be time to seek professional help. Perfectionism can be a difficult thing to overcome on your own, and it may be holding you back in life. While you may feel like you have to be perfect in everything you do, this isn’t realistic or possible. Everyone makes mistakes, and that’s okay. What’s important is that you learn from your mistakes and move on.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, executive function coaching can help. Executive function coaching can help you get organized and stay on track. This type of coaching can also help you learn how to set realistic goals and manage your time effectively. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, don’t wait to seek help. Get started today and see the difference it can make in your life,
Final Thoughts
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for coping with perfectionism or ADHD – or for dealing with your perfectionism if you are neurodivergent – but hopefully these tips will give you a starting point.
Remember to be gentle with yourself and cut yourself some slack—you are doing the best that you can!
If you need help developing healthy coping mechanisms or dealing with other mental health issues related to perfectionism or ADHD, remember that executive function coaching may help keep everything you need to do straight – and to eliminate unnecessary stress in the meantime.
Further Reading
- J. Russell Ramsay, Ph.D.: Adult ADHD, Perfectionism, and Procrastination
- Sharon Saline, Psy.D.: When Perfectionism Stems from ADHD: Challenging the Fallacy of “Not Good Enough”
- Eisenhower Matrix: The Eisenhower Matrix: Introduction & 3-Minute Video Tutorial
- Edge Foundation: ADHD and Imposter Syndrome
- Rebekah Pierce: Hyperfixations & ADHD: What You Need to Know
- Rebekah Pierce: 14 Tips For Managing ADHD (and Neurodivergence) At Work
- Megan Dalla-Camina: The Reality of Imposter Syndrome