Do any of these sound like familiar comments you’ve heard about your autistic child or student?
“But they seem so normal,”
“They’re just being difficult,”
“They can’t be autistic—they’re too smart.”
Autism is often misunderstood, not just because of misinformation, but because of how people perceive behavior, difference, and our societal norms around disability. Social communication and social interaction differences are core characteristics of autism, which can further complicate how others interpret autistic individuals. For teens and young adults especially, the challenges of being neurodivergent are often made harder by the way others interpret—or misinterpret—them.
These myths don’t just come from ignorance—they come from the way society is wired to expect certain behaviors, reward sameness, and fear anything outside the norm. Understanding autism isn’t just about memorizing facts or buying a puzzle piece bumper sticker.
It’s about unlearning biases, questioning first impressions, and getting comfortable with complexity.
In this post, we’re going beyond the usual myth-busting. We’re digging into six reasons why people misunderstand autism so often—and what needs to change for autistic teens and young adults to be truly seen.
Note: In this post about common misconceptions and misunderstandings surrounding autism, you will see terms such as “normal,” “high-functioning,” “low-functioning,” and other language that may be considered ableist or outdated by some. Life Skills Advocate includes this language intentionally to reflect the terms often used in public discourse and to critically examine why these ideas persist. We recognize that such language does not fully represent the diversity, dignity, or lived experiences of autistic individuals. Our goal is to raise awareness, challenge stereotypes, and promote a more inclusive understanding of autism—especially in teens and young adults.
1. What People See vs. What’s Really Happening
While some physical disabilities may have visible markers like mobility devices, many traits associated with autism spectrum disorders—like sensory sensitivity, social processing differences, or emotional regulation challenges—happen internally. They’re private events that can sometimes make it difficult to measure or observe the impacts directly. For example, many autistic people find it hard to communicate in noisy environments, where background noise can make listening and focusing on conversations overwhelming. This leads people to assume someone “doesn’t look autistic” or must be “faking it.”
Why This Leads to Misconceptions
We live in a society that trusts what it can see.
If someone isn’t visibly struggling, others may assume everything is fine. This creates a disconnect between the internal experience of an autistic person and the way they’re treated by others, highlighting significant communication barriers. The lack of obvious markers might lead others to doubt or minimize real needs.
2. One-Dimensional Portrayals of Autism
Popular TV shows and movies often present autistic characters in extremes. A silent genius with savant abilities. A quirky outsider with little emotional awareness. These portrayals rarely capture the day-to-day experiences of autistic individuals who don’t fit either mold. Additionally, autistic people may develop speech at different rates, which is often overlooked in these simplified portrayals, further perpetuating stereotypes.
Autism is a clinically recognized medical condition, but media often oversimplifies this aspect, focusing instead on stereotypes.
Recent current events have also portrayed autistic individuals as severely limited in their skills to communicate, have meaningful relationships, or participate in simple daily activities.
While more and more stories are being shared, the reality is that most people still learn about autism through media, not through lived experience or education. When a character is simplified for storytelling, it becomes easier for viewers to form assumptions. These assumptions stick because they’re memorable—and because they don’t challenge the audience to think deeper.
3. The Myth of “High-Functioning” and “Low-Functioning” Labels
A teen who does well academically or is verbal may be labeled “high-functioning,” even if they struggle with anxiety, executive functioning, or burnout. Meanwhile, a teen with communication challenges may be underestimated or denied opportunities because they’re labeled “low-functioning.”
The use of ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’ labels becomes even more complicated when considering individuals with intellectual disability. Previous studies have often focused on autistic individuals who are highly verbal and do not have an intellectual disability, but the challenges in understanding between non-autistic and autistic people may be more pronounced for those with intellectual disabilities.
Humans crave clear categories and ‘stereotypes’ that allow us to better sort out the world around us. It’s more comfortable to put others into “high” or “low” boxes than to recognize that support needs vary by context. To make things worse, American culture also places a high value on independence above all, so when someone needs help, it’s often seen as a failure rather than a different way of being.
4. Social Skills Are Culturally Defined
Even at LSA, we sometimes get in the Catch-22 of how to focus on improving social and executive functioning skills in our learners, when we’re really talking about the “good social skills” that are culturally preferred–not universally necessary.
Things like making eye contact, using a friendly tone, responding quickly in conversations, or smiling at the right moments are all part of an unspoken class of social behaviors, none of which were designed with neurodivergent people in mind.
Autistic teens and young adults may communicate in ways that are more direct, more honest, or more reflective. They might pause longer before responding, skip small talk, or express excitement through movement rather than facial expressions. These differences are often read as “awkward,” “rude,” or “disinterested”—not because they are, but because they don’t match what’s been socially taught as appropriate. Understanding these non autistic ways of communicating can be particularly challenging, contributing to a breakdown in empathy and connection.
Why People Misinterpret Social Behavior
The reason these differences lead to misunderstanding is because most people view social behavior through a neurotypical lens. In many cultures, politeness is tied to emotional expressiveness and speed of response. If someone doesn’t follow these behavior norms, it’s easy for others to assume they’re unfriendly, disengaged, or even disrespectful, causing both parties to feel uncomfortable.
Social behavior is learned—and it’s learned differently depending on how your brain works, how you grew up, and your prior social learning history. When we assume one communication style is “right” and everything else is “wrong,” we negate valuable perspectives. Many autistic individuals find social interactions difficult due to different communication styles, which are often misinterpreted through a neurotypical lens. Understanding autism means expanding our definition of what connection looks like—and making room for more than one way to be social.
5. Emotional Regulation Looks Different
Western culture puts a premium on emotional control. Teens and young adults are expected to “act their age,” manage stress levels quietly, and keep emotions in check—especially in public. When someone expresses distress in a visible or intense way, it’s often viewed as a lack of discipline or self-awareness.
But here’s the problem: most people judge emotional responses based on how they would react, not on what’s happening for the other person. If an autistic teen reacts in a way that seems “too big” or “too sensitive,” people tend to blame the person instead of examining the situation.
Why These Reactions Are Misunderstood
When others see this behavior without understanding the context, they often label it as bad behavior or overreaction. But the reality is that many autistic individuals are managing physiological stressors that others don’t even notice—while doing the extra work of interpreting unclear social rules and navigating environments not built for their sensory needs and sensory input.
The result? Their emotional response gets misunderstood as a character flaw instead of a clue that something isn’t working. But when we pause and ask what triggered the reaction, not just how it looked, we start to build real understanding—and a more compassionate response.
If you, your child, or a student is having difficulties identifying successful strategies for emotional regulation, Life Skills Advocate can help. Start by downloading our free .pdf executive functioning assessment that can dial in on emotional regulation and other EF skills.
6. Schools and Systems Focus on “Fixing” Rather Than Understanding
Compliance over Compassion
Many schools and therapy programs prioritize behavioral compliance over true inclusion. The goal becomes getting students to “act normal” and do whatever adults ask, instead of considering support that might be needed for an individual to learn and feel safe, especially if they have a co-occurring learning disability. This can mean rewarding silence, punishing stim behaviors, or interpreting communication differences as disrespect or defiance.
Why This Fuels Misunderstanding
Schools often operate on outdated ideas about what “good students” look like: obedient, quiet, organized, flexible, and socially seamless. While we think it’s important for all individuals, including non autistic children, to be as successful as possible in these areas, they are not universal indicators of intelligence, motivation, or potential.
Even well-meaning teachers may unintentionally cause harm if they’re not trained to recognize autism beyond the stereotypes. If a student doesn’t “seem” autistic—because they’re verbal, intelligent, or compliant most of the time—their challenges may be overlooked or dismissed. And if a student is too visibly autistic, they may be excluded from advanced classes, leadership opportunities, or social groups.
When compliance becomes more important than connection, we lose sight of what education is supposed to do: help students grow into their fullest potential. That means shifting from a model of “fixing” students to one that asks, What do you need to thrive here?
Bridging the Gap—What Helps People Understand
Understanding autism isn’t about memorizing the latest incidence rates or watching a few videos on social media—it’s about shifting the way we think about behavior, difference, and identity.
If we want to move past the stereotypes and surface-level labels, we have to actively unlearn assumptions and relearn with empathy. Mutual understanding is crucial, as autistic individuals are often misunderstood by non-autistic people due to different communication styles, but they are better understood among themselves. This shared understanding can foster stronger connections and reduce the communication barriers that often exist between autistic and non-autistic individuals.
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, peer, or simply someone who wants to do better, here are six meaningful ways to help move beyond some of these misconceptions.
- Listen to Autistic Voices—Especially Teens and Young Adults. The best way to understand autism is to hear directly from autistic people themselves. Blogs, books, YouTube channels, podcasts, and social media accounts created by autistic creators offer real-life insight into the lived experience. Be intentional about seeking out a variety of voices—non-speaking individuals, BIPOC autistic creators, late-diagnosed adults, and LGBTQIA+ autistic people—because autism doesn’t look one way.
- Challenge Your Internal Biases. Most of us were taught, either directly or subtly, that there’s a “right” way to behave. Politeness, eye contact, neat handwriting, and quietness in class were rewarded, while differences were corrected. Start noticing where these expectations show up in your thinking. Ask yourself: Am I expecting this person to behave in a way that makes me comfortable? Or am I making space for how they naturally express themselves?
- Stop Using Functioning Labels. Terms like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” may feel descriptive, but they’re misleading and harmful. These labels flatten the complexity of someone’s experience. A person may excel in one setting but need significant support in another—and that doesn’t make them more or less autistic. Instead of asking, “How severe is their autism?” ask: “What supports does this person need to thrive?” This reframes the conversation from judgment to care.
- Respect Different Communication Styles. Not all communication looks like fast, fluent conversation. Autistic people may communicate through AAC (augmentative and alternative communication), gestures, writing, scripting, or selective speech. Others may use verbal language, but prefer literal meanings and slower pacing. Assuming someone is “unintelligent” or “not listening” because they don’t speak in a way that makes you the most comfortable is one of the fastest paths to misunderstanding.
- Redefine What “Support” Means. Support isn’t about fixing someone—it’s about removing barriers. That could look like letting someone wear headphones in class, offering extra time on assignments, using visual instructions, or allowing movement breaks. These adjustments help autistic teens regulate and focus without needing to change who they are. Too often, people think “independence” means doing everything alone. But true independence is having what you need to function safely and authentically.
- Be Willing to Be Uncomfortable—and Keep Learning. Discomfort is part of growth. It can be unsettling to realize you’ve misunderstood someone or held onto a stereotype. But staying open, curious, and humble is the key to real connection. If you’re corrected, don’t get defensive. If you learn something new, share it. If you mess up, apologize and do better. Autism understanding isn’t a destination—it’s an ongoing practice. Progress happens not when we get it perfect, but when we stay committed to doing better.
Changing the Conversation
Misunderstanding autism isn’t just about ignorance. It’s about the way society is wired to expect sameness, value control, and fear difference. When we challenge those assumptions, we create room for autistic teens and young adults to be seen, heard, and supported for who they are within the autistic community.
Understanding autism means doing the hard work of letting go of neat categories and accepting the messiness of real human experience. It means recognizing that someone can be brilliant and overwhelmed, verbal and exhausted, friendly and socially anxious—all at the same time.
Let’s stop asking autistic people to prove their humanity. Let’s start asking ourselves why it’s so hard to see it in the first place.
TL;DR Summary
Autism is often misunderstood—not because people don’t care, but because society tends to reward sameness and misread difference. For teens and young adults, this leads to harmful myths like “they don’t look autistic” or “they’re just being difficult,” despite the fact that many autistic people experience unique challenges that require tailored support and accommodations.
These ideas stick because they’re rooted in outdated norms around behavior, communication, and emotion.
This article breaks down why those misunderstandings happen and what we can do about it—including listening to autistic voices, dropping harmful labels, and rethinking what support and social skills really mean.
Real understanding starts when we stop asking autistic people to “act normal” and start challenging our own expectations instead.
What a great article! Going to go share this with some other teachers today😃
An excellent article! Really makes you think about what kinds of misconceptions you may have and how to question them.