Chores, it’s the one thing we all have to do yet dread it. But why do we dread doing it? Perhaps it’s the idea that doing chores means less time of a preferred leisure activity or the fatigue from moving around tidying up. Or maybe, it’s the obligation of having to clean up after yourself.
Whatever it is, it can be exhausting, time consuming, and just plain boring. If we think this then our kids surely do as well.
Doing chores are necessary when creating a tidy and well kept living space. The benefits are not just in the aesthetics that us adults enjoy but also with helping kids develop executive functioning skills.
What the Research Says about Your Teen’s Chore List
Research from American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommends it is beneficial to include chores in a child’s routine as young as 3 years of age. Children who assist with chores demonstrate improved emotional regulation and ability to handle frustration, high self-esteem, and are overall more responsible.
Chores are important for children because they help with developing various executive functioning skills. Whether it’s planning, time management, task initiation, organization, problem solving, or attentional control, having your teens involved in daily or weekly chores will be essential for success in their everyday life.
Changing Chores During Adolescent Development
During adolescence the brain undergoes many changes that begin to impact a child’s thought processes and emotions. Research from New York State Office of Children and Family Services report that teens between the ages of 12 and 15 years begin to experience:
- Decreased impulse control and so, may engage in risky behaviors and have poor decision making.
- Changes in the way they understand nonverbal communication and faces
- Increase in reproductive and stress hormones
- Changes in the way they regulate sleep, in turn impacting their executive functioning.
See the full report here.
Physical changes are also noticed, whether it’s sudden growth, presence of acne, or feeling stronger.
Their emotional processing is evolving and social interactions with family and friends are changing.
Their morality begins to play a pivotal role in their decision making. Knowing right from wrong and showing concern for the treatment of others.
It is important that we allow our children to grow and develop. However, as parents, we can play an important role in ensuring we provide structure while also supporting their independence.
Don’t know exactly where to start?
Check out below for ways you can raise the expectations for your teen’s chore list!
Learn more about skills teens should know
Not sure what skills your teen should know?
Start by educating yourself on what should be expected for teens and young adults. While your teen may be learning skills at a different pace, it’s helpful to know exactly where they should be headed.
Check out our list of 25 Daily Living Skills Every Teen Should Know (including chores).
Be Kind and Compassionate With Your Teen
It is common for teens to be rebellious towards their parents. They may start to question your authority, avoid listening to you, or just straight out say no.
We don’t want to discourage these behaviors as they will be helpful with teaching our kids how to set boundaries and stand up for themselves. However, they still should understand that despite us respecting their boundaries, there are limits and clear rules that have to be followed.
Be sure to allow your teen to express their emotions freely and safely with you. Encourage your teen to discuss what they are feeling and why they may be resistant towards completing a task or following a rule.
Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and ideas by giving space for them to fully express themselves. Accept what they are saying by being open and understanding. Do be sure to guide them in their thought processes while also providing your thoughts and ideas.
Set Clear Cut Rules
Once you are your teen, have effectively communicated, set clear cut rules. Facilitate a discussion that validates their feelings while also clearly explaining to them your expectations. Assure your teen that you hear their concern, but also be firm with why chores are important for them to complete.
As social beings, when we feel heard and validated, compromising with others becomes much easier.
Check out below for some scripts you can use with your teen:
- “I know doing chores can be so boring and time consuming. I would love for you to be able to have the extra time for yourself too. How about we compromise and if you do these chores today, then you can be chore free?”
- “It really sounds like you don’t want to do your chores. Can you tell me why you don’t want to do them?”
- “In this family, we are a team. I want all of us to have the time to do our favorite things, but it’s hard if only one person is doing all the chores. So how about we all sit down and choose 2 daily chores for each of us to do each day?”
Get Organized and Work for a Prize
We know that if we do all of the tasks we need to do at work, we will eventually get that promotion and raise. This pushes us to work hard each day and push forward so we can get that reward. Just like we need that encouragement, so do our teens.
Yes, chores are critical for maintaining the house in order. That in itself is a reward. But for our teens who may not agree, encourage them to help with chores to earn a “prize” or in their eyes, more time with their friends or that game for their playstation.
Sit down with your teen and come up with a daily chore chart to track their progress with completion of chores. Use a chart or even calendar to keep track of chores completed. Have your child mark off each chore that is completed during that day until all are completed.
Once they have done all of the chores for the week, be sure to praise your teen and award them the prize they earned by completing each of their daily tasks, or in this case, chores for this month. It is important to acknowledge their successes and appreciate their achievements, regardless of how small or big the task.
Check out the example of a chore chart:
Final Thoughts
As a parent, we just want the best for our children. We hope they will have a desire to explore the world and know they are safe while doing so. We wish for their success in all of their endeavors, regardless of how small or big.
We strive to provide a nurturing and nourishing environment so they can feel loved and supported. We guide them to develop a strong sense of morale to treat all others and themselves with respect and kindness.
These are all attributes that develop over time through the learning of skills as they grow. Whether they learn to have emotional control when frustrated, the ability to organize and plan for future events, or effectively problem solve during troubling times, our children can develop these skills with our help.
We can assist our children with developing these executive functioning skills through the completion of chores by:
- Listening to our teen and being kind and compassionate.
- Setting clear cut rules.
- Assisting them with developing organizational skills.
- Acknowledging their success with task completion.
Need additional support?
Not every parent or caregiver is equipped to raise the expectations of their teen’s chore chart. If you need additional support, consider talking with a professional or scheduling a free discovery call with one of our Executive Functioning coaches. Our team can work with you and your child to set goals around chores and independent living skills in a compassionate way,
Further Reading
- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2018, June). Chores and Children.
- Executive Functioning Coaching
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – 16 Ways To Manage Executive Functioning Around The Holidays. Life Skills Advocate.
- Life Skills Advocate Blog – What Is Executive Functioning?
- SUNY Buffalo State, Institute for Community Health Promotion (ICHP), Center for Development of Human Services (CDHS), & New York State Office of Children and Family Services. (2015). Child Development Guide.