Blurting out answers in the middle of class. Interrupting a meaningful conversation. Fighting with siblings. Fidgeting and talking during quiet work. What do all of these challenging behaviors have in common? They all relate back to impulse control.
While we know that the teenage brain has a tendency to explore and examine the world in new ways, we also know that sometimes that exploration results in impulsive, knee-jerk responses. If your teen continues to struggle with disruptive problem behavior at home and in the classroom, consider some strategies to help your teen with impulse control.
What is impulse control?
Impulse control describes a set of executive functioning behaviors that allow us to “think before acting.” Sometimes known as self-control or inhibition, impulse control describes learning to take a longer-term reward even when there may be an opportunity for short-term gain. It’s also how we prioritize our goals, wants, and needs (and then resist or avoid doing things that may harm achieving them.)
How do we develop impulse control?
Like other executive functioning skills, impulse control develops throughout childhood and adolescence. We initially learn impulse control in the early years of life through safety responses like avoiding a hot stove or running into the street. Although we expect young children to need constant monitoring for impulsive behaviors, we begin to fade our support as children grow more independent in elementary and middle school.
By pre-teen and teenage years, children continue some risky behaviors but often as a mode of curiosity and exploring the world. Either way, as teens develop impulse control, they will often still follow the safety rules and strive for social norms. Finally, by adulthood, we can manage impulsive behavior across all settings, avoiding most instances of rushing, reckless, or harmful behaviors.
Impulse Control & Challenging Behavior
What happens if a teen doesn’t continue to develop impulse control behaviors? Self-control and impulse behavior might not be the cause of challenging behavior itself. Still, it certainly contributes to how quickly your teen might default back to poor habits and behaviors. By increasing self-control or the ability to control impulses, you’re increasing the probability that a child will use replacement strategies before challenging behaviors.
Instead of using challenging behavior, focus on goals like:
- Understanding and articulating the consequences of self-controlled vs. impulsive behavior.
- Understanding and demonstrating self-controlled behavior vs. impulsive behavior in controlled situations or role-plays.
- Demonstrating control of personal space and voice volume when around others
- Controlling risky behavior when alone or with others.
- Avoiding ‘self-sabotage’ or choices that will reduce the probability of success at home, work, or school.
5 Ways to Help Your Teen Learn Impulse Control
Suppose you know your teen struggles with impulse control and suspect that challenging behaviors may be resulting from a lack of self-control. In that case, there are several easy strategies to implement that can make a meaningful difference.
1. Practice and rehearse alternative behaviors
Teens don’t just learn self-control through osmosis. It takes practice and rehearsal of the right strategies to overcome the impulse at the moment. Try practicing scenarios with your teen that are particularly challenging for impulse control and techniques they can use instead of acting impulsively.
For practice with this skill, download our “Better Choices Worksheet,” which helps teens create a list of alternatives they can use when tempted to act impulsively.
2. Provide visual reminders
Adults use visual reminders to help us practice self-control all the time. Traffic lights, speed limit signs, and No Trespassing warnings are all meant to help regulate or tendencies for dangerous and risky behaviors. The same technique can be used to support your teen make better choices in difficult situations. For example, try posting visual reminders in high-traffic areas around the house like “Stop, Think, Act” or “N.I.” for no interrupting posted on a closed door.
3. Evaluate and teach other executive functioning skills
As mentioned above, impulse control is closely tied to how we learn to function independently. Some teens and young adults who struggle with impulse control may also be struggling with other executive functioning skills. Evaluating planning and problem-solving skills along with flexibility and emotional control can be important when we’re also trying to work on impulsivity.
4. Model the behavior you want to see
Clear and consistent expectations for our teens go a long way in helping them to develop self-control. That includes us modeling the behavior we expect from them. If your teen observes you flying off the handle at your spouse or another student, is it fair to expect them to behave differently? The same applies to blurting out or interrupting them in conversation. The “do as I say, not as I do” philosophy doesn’t support your teen achieving greater independence when it comes to impulse control.
5. Promote good sleep and healthy habits
There’s a well-known body of research connecting improvements in impulse control with consistent sleep and maintaining a healthy diet and exercise. So support your teen by reducing stress levels, promoting a regular, consistent sleep schedule, and engaging in physical activity as a family. Even tiny changes in your teen’s habits in these areas can make a meaningful difference in self-control.
It’s okay to ask for help
Finally, not every parent or teacher is equipped to tackle issues with impulse control. In fact, research supports that nearly 10% of individuals have a diagnosed impulse control disorder that may need professional medical help. If your child struggles with these behaviors beyond what you can support, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Contact your teen’s school, a life skills coach, or a medical professional trained to identify and address impulsive behaviors.
Further Reading
- Casey, B., & Caudle, K. (2013). The Teenage Brain: Self Control. Current directions in psychological science, 22(2), 82–87. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413480170
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child – Building the Skills Adults Need for Life: A Guide for Practitioners
- Life Skills Advocate – How to Help Your Child Create Habits that Actually Stick
- Life Skills Advocate – Planning Skills: Long-Term Supports & Strategies For Diverse Learners
- Smithsonian Magazine – The Impulsive “Teen Brain” Isn’t Based in Science