As a sibling, you may be the most important person (or at least one of the most important people) in your brother or sister’s life. Even though some days may feel like they are filled with disagreements, annoyances, and sibling rivalry, you will always be their biggest supporter.
This bond becomes even stronger when your sibling faces certain challenges. It is never easy to watch someone you care about struggle, especially with something that can affect just about every aspect of day-to-day functioning.
That’s right – we’re talking about executive functioning challenges.
In this post, we will explore how you can help your sibling or siblings with EF challenges, including some useful tips and strategies.
Let’s take a closer look.
Click here to jump to the TL;DR summary.
How to Support a Sibling With Executive Functioning Challenges
It can be challenging to understand and support a sibling with executive functioning (EF) challenges. EF skills include tasks such as planning, organizing, prioritizing, and managing time and can significantly affect academic success, social life, and mental health.
As a sibling, you can play a critical role in supporting your brother or sister – here are some tips to help you do just that.
1. Understand What EF Challenges Are
The first step to supporting your sibling is to learn more about executive functioning challenges, their symptoms, and how they can affect your sibling.
Read books, articles, and blogs about executive functioning challenges to understand what your sibling is going through, and you can make informed decisions to support them. Talk to your sibling and ask them about the difficulties, experiences, and challenges they face.
By understanding their challenges, you can be more empathetic and provide the right support.
Here are some resources we suggest to get you started on learning more about EF skills:
- What is Executive Functioning? A Comprehensive Guide
- Executive Functioning 101 Resource Hub
- How to Make Stuff More EF Friendly
- What Age Does Executive Functioning Develop?
We also encourage you to help your sibling take our free downloadable Executive Functioning Assessment to pinpoint the key areas where your sibling may need the most support:
2. Communication is Key
Effective communication is essential in any relationship, and this is even more crucial when supporting siblings with EF challenges. It’s essential to show your sibling that you care and want to help.
Listen to them when they need to vent, and try to help them look at situations differently. You can provide them with a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Encourage open communication by asking them about their day, how they’re feeling, and what you can do to help.
3. Help Them Stay Organized
Organizational skills are a fundamental component of executive functioning.
People with EF challenges may not know how to keep track of their belongings, prioritize tasks, or avoid procrastination. Help your sibling to organize their space by creating a designated area for homework and supplies.
You can also assist them in setting up systems to keep track of assignments, such as a favorite planner or a digital calendar on their phone.
4. Encourage Their Independence
Supporting your sibling also means encouraging them to develop independence and autonomy. It is essential to ensure that their EF struggles do not prevent them from becoming self-sufficient.
You can help them by teaching them how to break tasks down into smaller steps, make lists, prioritize activities, and meet deadlines. Emphasize the importance of taking responsibility for their actions and finding their unique way of doing things.
5. Be a Cheerleader
Siblings can be an incredible source of motivation and encouragement.
Celebrate your sibling’s successes, no matter how small they are. Provide positive feedback and acknowledge their effort, dedication, and hard work. Help them stay positive and hopeful, and avoid negative self-talk.
Encourage them to pursue their interests, hobbies, and activities that make them happy, and don’t let their EF challenges define who they are.
6. Break Things Down for Them
Individuals with EF challenges often struggle with starting tasks and following through. Breaking down a task into smaller, more manageable pieces can help.
Help your sibling to break larger projects into smaller, bite-sized tasks. This can be done by helping them create a to-do list with specific steps, and checking in with them regularly on their progress.
7. Be Patient
Living with EF challenges can be frustrating for everyone.
As a sibling, it’s important to be patient and empathetic. Try to avoid getting irritated if your sibling takes longer to complete everyday tasks or seems disorganized.
Instead, offer words of encouragement and praise for hard work and perseverance.
8. Help Establish a Daily Routine
Routines are so important when it comes to dealing with EF challenges. Help your sibling create a schedule that includes daily activities such as homework, meals, and leisure time. Use visuals such as pictures or color-coding to make the routine more manageable.
By establishing a consistent routine, your sibling will be more likely to stay on task and reduce stress levels – for themselves, but also for you.
9. Come Up With Some Practical Strategies For Time Management and Problem Solving
There are many practical strategies that can help with EF challenges. Offer to help your sibling implement these strategies.
For example, again, you might help them create a to-do list, set reminders on their phone, or organize their schedule.
If your sibling has difficulty with impulse control, you might offer to help them develop a plan for resisting impulsive behaviors. Encourage them to break tasks down into smaller, more manageable steps.
People with EF challenges often struggle with problem-solving, too. You can help your sibling by working together to identify problems, brainstorm solutions, and create a plan of action.
It’s important that you not only do these things for them, but show them how to take these sorts of steps and implement these routines in their own lives, too. As the saying goes, “teach a man to fish…”
10. Understand Your Family Dynamics
Each family is different, and approaches to solving problems can vary from one to another. By observing how things work within your family, you can determine the best approach for supporting your sibling. Remember that your sibling may have different circumstances and behavioral patterns, so adjust your strategy as needed.
For example, you might feel frustrated that your sibling gets more time one-on-one with your parents than you do, or that they don’t have to help out with certain things around the house.
It’s normal to feel upset about this – but make sure you voice your concerns to your parents so that you can come up with a solution. Know that your feelings are valid, but try to understand everybody else’s perspective, too.
11. Express Your Own Feelings and Frustrations
On a similar note, it can be tough to see your sibling struggle, in general, but it’s also important to acknowledge how you feel about it.
This approach can help you feel heard and validated, while also helping you and your family become more understanding of each other’s emotions. Remember to approach these conversations with a non-judgmental attitude, and avoid assigning blame.
12. Lead By Example
Model good executive functioning skills by keeping yourself organized, using reminders, and planning your day ahead.
Also, demonstrate to them how to break large tasks into manageable ones, and demonstrate the value of taking breaks when things start to become overwhelming. They might be more likely to adopt such habits if they see you doing them.
13. Play Games
Playing games can be a fun way to improve your sibling’s executive function skills without them even knowing. Games like Jenga, Settlers of Catan, and puzzles can help them practice skills like memory, planning, and attention to detail.
Try incorporating games into your family routine and make it more exciting by establishing friendly competition or creating a reward system. As their skills improve, adjust the level of difficulty to provide incremental challenges.
14. Take Care of Yourself
Finally, it’s important to prioritize your own self-care when supporting a sibling with EF challenges. It can be emotionally draining to witness someone you love struggle with these difficulties.
Make sure to take time for yourself to recharge and maintain your own mental health. Connect with friends or a support group who can offer you emotional support.
By taking care of yourself, you can continue to be a supportive presence for your sibling.
TL;DR – (Too Long, Didn’t Read)
Supporting a sibling with EF challenges can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. There’s nothing like seeing a sibling thriving and being successful despite the difficulties they face – and you can help them get there.
By being patient, helping with organization and time management, developing problem-solving skills, and seeking support and resources, you can make a huge, positive difference in your sibling’s life.
Remember to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and your efforts will be greatly appreciated. Together, you and your sibling can overcome any obstacle.
Further Reading
- Chris Hanson: What is Executive Functioning?
- Jillian Enright: Strategies for Managing Executive Functioning Challenges for Kids
- Sharon Saline, Psy.D.: When ADHD Drains and Strains Sibling Relationships
- Amy Sippl: Impulse Control: Long Term Strategies & Supports For Diverse Learners